Morning Coffee

terri+jonathan

2011-09-16T09:50:00.000-04:00

Last weekend I had the extreme pleasure of attending the wedding of dear friend and taking some photos of the occasion. I thought I would share the little video I made using some of the photos and if you'd like to see them follow this link. It was such a beautiful day, and my hope was to capture the spirit & emotion of their special day in the photos.

The Cure is Strong With You

2011-09-14T23:17:00.000-04:00

These new t-shirts from Stand Up to Cancer are AWESOME. And really, who better to fight cancer than Jedi's?

If I Need to Smile (or Dance)

2011-08-28T16:35:00.000-04:00

I watch this video. My love for JT is well-known, and when you add Jimmy Fallon to the mix doing hip-hop it's a great big 'ol cute sandwich. Terri F., if you're out there, I think of you when they get to the DMX portion. I also love the guy at about 5:45 rocking a neck brace.

Current Obsession

2011-08-24T12:52:00.000-04:00

Occasionally my mind gets fixated on an object, kinda' like a scratched CD that keeps skipping. And like the scratched CD that you continue to tolerate because you love the song, I allow the fixation to fester because there is something satisfying about it. Weird, I know. Most often the objects of my obsessive fascination are of the fashion variety, but they can often be pieces of furniture, houses, craft supplies, you name it. This week I am haunted by this dress:

WTF? Where would I wear a leather dress? In the carpool lane at preschool?? I don't know, but I can't stop looking at it.

A Little Prayer

2011-08-14T18:13:00.000-04:00

I've written several times in years past about our love for the Indiana State Fair, and yesterday morning we debated about catching the fair train again and going for the day, but decided to try and go today instead. Last night a tragic accident happened during one of the fair concerts, and 5 people lost their lives and many others were seriously injured. I've been saying some little prayers all day for those people and their families, and also for the people who work so hard every year to organize the fair.

I Feel Your Pain, Man

2011-08-11T09:36:00.000-04:00

A year after reconstruction surgery and I'm still having these conversations, albeit with surgeons and nurses not strangers.

Oops, I Did it Again

2011-08-09T23:05:00.000-04:00

I did it again. I fell off the face of blogger-earth and left the blog to collect cobwebs for a few months. My apologies. A good friend called the other day after noticing my absence here and on facebook and wanted to make sure I'm still here. Which I am. Again, every so often I find myself so busy living life that I don't make the time to write about it, and I actually think that's a pretty normal and healthy thing. But if you enjoy reading about my children pooping in random places and other adventures of the Alderman gang, then I guess no posts for several months can get pretty annoying. Or perhaps I've just been driving around the Whole Foods parking lot looking for a space for the past four months.

What has kept me away from the keyboard? A little of this:

OAR concert at White River, one of several shows we've caught this summer

There was ALOT of planning and packing and traveling and walking and magic enjoying involved with this:

Our first family trip to Disney in June

And then there has been a little of this tossed in:

This is our house. Now its for sale. Please consider buying it.

We decided to put our house on the market because we found another house that we like, and we have been subsequently bit by the new house bug, and now I'm trying to keep this place clean all the time while the kids simultaneously try to destroy it.

So, yes. We've had a little going on around here. But I'm going to try to get back to being a little more consistent here, because in all honesty, I miss it too. I like documenting all the little funny things as well as the big crazy things that happen to our family. But just to give a heads-up, I have to run to Whole Foods tomorrow, so it may be another four months before I get back here.

Springing

2011-04-22T17:22:00.000-04:00

This has been the longest winter EVER. I know I say that every year, but I'm sitting at the end of another long week with temperatures in the 40s & 50s and gray skies every day, and I'm beginning to wonder if spring will ever get here. Maybe we'll be skipping spring this year and moving right on into summer, which I hate but if it means I can park my Uggs in the closet for 5 months then I'm in. I've even created a new verb for my spring fever, "springing", which is the act of spending endless amounts of time pouring over the internet and magazines looking at brightly colored lawn furniture, margarita recipes, and garden designs. For instance, if our city ordinances would allow it, I would order one of these:

That's right. It's a little egg shaped chicken coop where I could cultivate my own little flock for fresh eggs. These are not the thoughts of someone who is getting enough Vitamin D in her life.

The Curious Case of Batey the Fish

2011-04-02T13:49:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago Rob made a horrible discovery in Casey's room at bedtime. The boys' beloved fish, Batey, was dead. Batey was the class fish at Connor's preschool last year, and at the end of the year he won Batey in a drawing. So as far as beta fish go, Batey had a pretty good run there. I knew immediately that I did not want the boys to know that Batey had headed off to the big aquarium in the sky, and so I told Rob I would hit the pet store and find an identical fish to replace Batey. The boys took Ani's death really hard, and I just couldn't stomach having that talk again. You might not think the death of a fish would be a big deal, but they are VERY attached to this fish. So I figured I'd just slip a replacement in there without anyone noticing and we'd be all good. Right? Right - as long as the fish I chose was very close in appearance to Batey. I guess I never really studied the original fish all that closely, because the replacement fish is about twice as big as Batey I, and almost a completely different color. After checking out Batey II Rob asked if I even looked at the fish before I bought it. "It looks just like him, right?" I replied. "No," Rob said between laughs, "Not even close." Oh well I concluded, the kids will never notice. Um, yes, yes they will notice. Casey came running in to my room the morning after I made the switch, "Mom! Mom! Come look at Batey! He's GROWN! LIKE ALOT!!!" Both boys were amazed at how the fish had doubled in size overnight. "How did that happen?" they asked. "Well," I explained, "you know how you have grown from last year to this year? It's the same for Batey. He's just growing up." Thank God they totally bought it. Of course now there is some concern that he will outgrow his tank and then we'll have to keep him in the bathtub, but I told them we'd cross that river if it happens.

We're still working hard on potty training Riley, and part of convincing her that she is a "big girl" who needs to use the potty instead of diapers is allowing her to pick out her clothes and dress herself. Which is great, except the results are often like this:

This morning's outfit consisted of brown tights, two bathing suits, a long sleeve t-shirt, and Elmo slippers. Fetching, eh? It reminded me of this. The irony of this photo is that she's standing there watching Elmo's Potty Time video and moments later she pooped her pants. But she looked good doing it, right?

Off To The Races (Maybe)

2011-03-23T19:48:00.000-04:00

Photo courtesy Churchill Downs

Last year my girlfriends nominated me to walk in the Survivor's Parade at the Kentucky Oaks, which for those who don't know is the filly race the day before Derby. The Oaks is now a huge fund and awareness raiser for breast cancer, and it was an honor and a thrill to be a part of it. I was right in the middle of chemo, and not particularly feeling my best. It was such an incredible boost to meet other women who were 5, 10, 15, even 40 year survivors - to see some tangible examples of how life would go on after cancer. I met women who had gone on to have more children, whose hair had come back, who went on to have remarkable achievements with cancer in their rearview mirror. I'm hopeful that maybe I can be that little boost to someone else this year. Where do you come in? Easy - just follow the link below and vote for me. Simple.

http://www.kentuckyderby.com/oaks/survivors/jennifer-carmel-indiana-0

Pass the word to anyone who might take a minute or two to vote for me - you'll be helping me and maybe someone else we haven't met yet.

Two Steps Forward, Three Poops Back

2011-03-18T17:01:00.000-04:00

I happened to click on the photobooth in my laptop the other day and came across this photo I took of myself last year:

I think the intent was to send it to my girlfriends to wish them a happy St. Patrick's Day, but the details of that time period are a bit fuzzy (massive quantities of pharmaceuticals will do that to a brain). St. Patrick's Day was a big holiday for us girls and was generally spent either working at the local Irish pub for spring break money or consuming massive quantities of green beer. The t-shirt I'm wearing in the photo is actually a hold-over from back then - it was either a freebie or uniform from the bar, but the details of that time period are a bit fuzzy (green beer will do that to a brain). I laughed out loud when I saw the photo, mainly because I look hilarious bald. But it also reminded me that I am in such a different place this year than last. It happens like that - I totally forget where I was and what I was doing just a year ago and then something will sneak up on me and I'll have a visceral memory. The taste in my mouth during chemo, the funny smell I couldn't get out of my nose, the weird buzz in my head I couldn't shake.

For the most part I'm in full time Mom-mode, chasing after the kids and plugging away at my photography business. And the number one item on my priority list right now is potty training Riley. I was really hoping that we would wake up one morning and she would just decide to do it and that would be it. Not so much. We'll have a couple of good days and I'll start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and then she'll go right back to pooping her pants. The other day I thought to myself, "I have a college degree and I am now spending my days following a small person around the house while constantly asking her if she needs to poop." I feel very much like we have come so far in the past year, and yet are still hovering in that place of daily struggle. So, you know, two steps forward, three poops back. Just as it should be.

2011-03-07T14:43:00.000-05:00

Remember this? We always assumed Connor inherited his crazy thick hair with crazy cowlicks from Rob, since (contrary to current conditions) Rob also had crazy thick hair as a kid. But now, well evidence suggests that maybe it came from me.

My hair has grown back in crazy thick with all kinds of crazy cowlicks. All these years I've had thick wavy hair lying dormant under my skull while I fought my super fine stick straight tresses! I had heard from lots of sources that after chemo your hair could come back in totally different than before, but I didn't really believe that would happen to me because my hair had always been so STRAIGHT and so THIN. And as I've suspected for all these years, those of you with thick hair do have it better! It is so much easier to style, even with the weird cowlicks. And another added bonus is that I can run my fingers through it and instantly do a mean Charlie Sheen impression - WINNING!! I'm also still enjoying having it short, although the males in the house would prefer that I grow it back out long, and soon. What is it with guys and long hair? It must be encoded in the DNA because even my 4 year old prefers it long. I've also heard that as your hair continues to grow out it will eventually return to it's original texture, so I've decided to enjoy wearing it short & funky while I can. And even on a bad hair do, I remind myself that it is WAY better than a no-hair day.

Sucker Love

2011-02-14T21:51:00.000-05:00

Just popping in to quickly share the kids' valentines for this year. I decided to make them, and a few weeks ago was able to get the kids to stand still long enough to snap a few photos. I ordered 4x6 copies, and using an exacto knife, I cut slits just above and below their hands and then we slid in suckers. Voila - personalized valentines!

Happy 3th Birthday

2011-02-09T14:46:00.000-05:00

Baby Shiny had her 3rd (or 3th, as Casey said) birthday yesterday. We had a little party for her over the weekend, and her very girly behavior was on full display. I don't know why I keep expecting her to act like the boys, but for some reason I am continually surprised and tickled by the very feminine things she does. Like wearing clip on dangly earrings and a princess ball skirt for the entirety of her party.

Cracks me up. She wanted a Dora the Explorer party, so I made Dora cupcakes, which only really resembled Dora if you were standing 10 feet away and squinting. At least the kids recognized her, and Riley was happy.

Last night it was pizza and more cake, and today I took cake pops into her class for a birthday treat.

Mmm...cake pops!

What is she like at 3? Well, she's very funny - when asked how old she was turning this birthday her standard response was, "I'm the birthday girl!" and she even treated us last night to a special song & dance she made up about being the birthday girl. She's very sweet - when someone would wish her a happy birthday, she would respond, "Happy Birthday to you." She's at that strange crossroad of early childhood - no longer a baby but not really a big kid either. She wants to do so many things herself, but will still crawl up into my arms and say, "I'm your baby, Mama!" She loves her brothers and thinks (most) everything they do is great, and they (mostly) feel the same about her. And her parents? We continue to be smitten by her. At least once a day I look at her and feel a rush of gratitude that I got to be her Mom, and that I somehow was lucky enough to parent both boys and a girl. I wish I could freeze time right now and keep her at this age, but then again that seems to be how I have felt about all her ages, so I guess I'll have to let her keep growing. Who knows what she will surprise and delight us with before her 4rd birthday.

Ice Ice Baby

2011-02-07T22:57:00.000-05:00

Last week we were trapped in the house for almost the entire week due to an ice & snow storm. It was BIZARRE. Ice built up almost a foot in front of my garage door so that Friday I had to take a pick ax and chip away at it so I could get the van out of the garage. BIZARRE. Neighborhood kids were ice skating not just in the streets, but in front yards as well. BIZARRE. But in a strange kind of way, it was also nice. School was cancelled, obviously, and in a first, Rob was stuck at home with us. I pulled out the craft box and we proceeded to make messes to stay occupied.

Connor working on his Dinosaur Dig kit

Riley cutting paper into a thousand microscopic pieces

We stayed in our PJs all day. We snuggled and watched movies and braced ourselves for the potential that we would lose power, which thankfully we never did. But a week was enough. The temperature is supposed to dip down to -5 tonight, and hover somewhere around -2 or -3 degrees in the morning when Casey gets on the bus. I am now in full-blown spring fever and if warmer weather doesn't blow in sometime soon, there is a strong possibility that I will lose my mind. I bought a bottle of wine simply because it has a pair of flip-flops on the label. It's bad folks.

Random Resolutions

2011-01-04T10:53:00.000-05:00

Whew. I'm pooped. How 'bout you? I dearly love Christmas and the holiday season, but it is exhausting. I'm always a little sad to say goodbye to the magic and sparkle of Christmas, but also a little relieved that it is all over and I don't have to do it again for another year. We had a strange weather pattern blow in last week bringing 60 degree temperatures with it, and now that we're back in the 30s I'm seriously jonesing for warmer weather. I'm done with you now, Winter. We've made a giant snowman and gone sledding and used the fireplace and all that good stuff. I'd like to put my shorts and flip flops back on now, thankyouverymuch.

We really had a great Christmas, and I truly did enjoy my kids. On Christmas morning they were hilarious and sweet at the same time. This year I started a new tradition by taking them to the dollar store and allowing them to pick out one gift for each of their siblings. I had to help Riley a bit, but the boys managed it on their own. The best was Connor's choice of a package of glow stick bracelets for Casey, and Casey's attempt to disguise his disappointment when he opened them ("Um, thank you?"). I probably enjoyed the whole exercise more than they did, but that's OK.

So it's back to reality here - back to work and school and schedules. I don't really do New Year's resolutions, but I did make a pact of sorts with Rob to get back to exercising regularly, but after getting up with him at 6am this morning I'm seriously reconsidering my part of the agreement. And I did resolve to try and get back to posting more regularly, so I'll try my best to stick with it. I don't mind saying that I was happy to have 2010 in my rearview mirror, and I'm hoping that 2011 contains more posts about the random events in our daily lives, and fewer posts about my health. I guess that's more of a wish than a resolution, but one I'm excited about nonetheless.

Getting in the Spirit

2010-12-09T10:31:00.000-05:00

The tree is up and decorated, there are presents wrapped and waiting underneath, and Christmas cards went out this week. So we're definitely getting in the spirit around here. Including making a little holiday music:

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

I'm also mildly obsessed with the music Target is using in their holiday commercials this year, and if you are too you can go to Target's website and download them for free. I'm pretty sure "Toy Jackpot" by Blackalicious is destined to become a holiday classic ("Is it time yet? Is it time yet?")

And on the agenda for this weekend are photos with Santa, so I've been checking out Creepy Santa to know what to watch out for. Yikes!

I've had the chance to photograph some really beautiful families this year, which is why it gives me particular pleasure to look at really bad family photos. I would definitely steer a family away from this tropical disaster, unless they were intentionally trying to be tacky. If that was the case, I'd say "Bring it ON!"I may have just found inspiration for next year's card:

Wow. The seventies truly were a cruel decade. Anyway, go ahead and pour a tall glass of eggnog, fire up "Toy Jackpot" on the iPod, and laugh at other's Christmas misery. It's the most wonderful time of the year, right? Unless your mom forced you to wear a Hawaiian shirt for your Olan Mills Christmas photo.

Just a Couple of Ho-Hos

2010-12-07T10:13:00.001-05:00

Things are slowing down just a bit around here, and most of my work for fall clients has been completed. I'm so thankful for all the work, but I'm also thankful to be able to shift my focus just a bit to Christmas. The kids are "ate-up" with Christmas fever, and I know this year is going to be a blast. They are all old enough to be aware of the true meaning of Christmas, and still young enough to get completely caught up in the magic of Santa, presents, glittering trees, and all the rest. Riley refers to Santa as "The Ho-Ho Man", and as we were putting the tree up she plopped a Santa hat on my head to match the one she was already wearing and announced, "Look Mom! We're a couple of Ho-Ho's!". I thought Rob was going to wet himself from laughter.

Temperatures have been frigid here, and we even got our first snowfall over the weekend. Just a few inches, but enough for the kids to get out and play in, and even take a few reps down the neighborhood sledding hill. I love the stand at the back door and watch them in the backyard while I stay dry and warm inside, and I'm reminded again of the mysteries of childhood when I have the beg them to come inside before they get frostbitten. "Aren't you freezing?" I'll ask the boys, and they typically respond that they're having too much fun to notice the cold. I've decided to adopt that attitude towards the holidays - I'm going to be too busy having fun to notice the stress.

On a unrelated note, it's hard to believe, but today is the one year anniversary of my big surgery. When I thought of it this morning, I was reminded of how much can happen and change in a year, and how quickly our minds and souls allow us to move beyond pain and sadness to a new place. A place of happiness and joy, where the pain and sadness is a distant, foggy memory. A place where you're too busy having fun to notice the still fresh scars, the random ache, the painful memory. A place I'm very happy to occupy right now.

Life is Good

2010-11-09T09:13:00.000-05:00

I've received several threatening messages from my Dad about my lapse in updating the blog lately, so out of obligation (and a little fear), here I am. I've been busy. Not a little busy, but alot busy. Rob's schedule has been nuts, the kids have all had different events going on, and my photography business has been amazingly jam-packed this fall. This is my view on most afternoons when I can steal a moment of silence:

Two computers, one cup of coffee, pen tablet, and hundreds of images to edit. Add to all this Halloween,

and another small reconstruction surgery, and my October calendar looked like a pen exploded on it. But aside from being busy, we've also been very good. The kids have all settled into a routine with school, and we even managed to sneak in a quick weekend trip with friends to Lake Michigan where we were treated to beautiful weather and lots of spontaneous fun.

Life seems to be moving rapidly forward again, at such a pace that the one year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis came and went and we barely acknowledged it (which is a good thing, I think. I mean, it's not exactly the kind of anniversary you celebrate, although I wouldn't have been opposed to having a cake. But that's just because I am fundamentally never opposed to having cake.). Life is busy. Life is hectic and a little messy (if you come to my house PLEASE don't examine my kitchen floors too closely). But mainly, most importantly, life is good.

Enlightened

2010-10-02T11:39:00.001-04:00

Bottles Of Hope By Peter Sid from peter sid on Vimeo.

As most of you know, October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. You probably know this because you are attacked by pink ribbon items every time you walk into a store. Sometimes I crack up at the creativity of the manufacturers to capitalize on the popularity of breast cancer month to try and market their products. For instance, what the hell does a Port-a-Potty have to do with breast cancer?

But there are some really cool, creative, genuine charities out there with the sincere intent on helping breast cancer patients, and the video above is a great example. Bottles of Hope is a neat group that takes used chemo bottles and turns them into gifts for cancer patients, and I love the chandelier that the guy in the video made. I really find it amazing when someone takes an item that can have such a negative connotation and turn it into a beautiful piece of artwork. It is something I'd like to pursue with my photography, and I'm beginning to research ways to do so. Certainly I could come up with something more inspirational than the "Porta-Jane".

Alright With 35

2010-09-29T17:11:00.000-04:00

Last year on my birthday, I set my camera up on the tripod and took a self portrait, and so I decided to make it a yearly tradition. So much has happened in the past year, it's hard for me to believe that it has only been a year since I took that photo with Riley. I keep referring to the past year as my "dog year", meaning that I feel like I have lived 7 years in the past one. There were terrible, awful moments in the past year, but there were also amazing, triumphant, inspirational moments. I learned so many things. I learned you never know what's around the corner. I learned how to wear a wig and which hats cover a bald head best. I learned to not leave Riley unattended near my makeup drawer. I learned that there was a life apart from cancer before it happened, and there will be a life apart from cancer now that it is gone. I learned there are no guarantees. There are women I met a year ago who are no longer here, and there are some still kicking it who according to their medical charts should not be. I learned how to really fight. I learned there is more love in this world than cynicism and hate. I learned to feel lucky simply because I'm here, and I'm a mother, and a daughter - because I'm a wife and a sister, and a good friend. I learned that instead of cursing because I'm only 35 and I've had cancer, to feel blessed to have been given these lessons at so young an age. I learned that there's alot of life out there, and I intend to live it all.

So I'm mildly panicked that I am now in my "mid-thirties", but that will pass. I look at that picture above of me, and I see someone I really like. She knows some stuff she didn't a year ago, but still has some learning to do. She makes mistakes and says "sorry" and keeps going. She loves and is loved. She needs to take better care of her skin and lay off the chocolate a bit, but she can still wear a mini skirt and high heels. She kinda' likes her hair short (and if she changes her mind she now knows how to rock a long wig). She's alright with 35.

Four

2010-09-28T09:42:00.000-04:00

Things have been so busy here I haven't had a chance to post about #2 turning #4. We rented a giant bounce castle for the back yard, were blessed with beautiful weather, and much fun was had by all. And this boy turned 4. All my efforts to keep them from growing seem to be thwarted, as the years continue to pass. I find myself soaking up the moments in the morning when he crawls into bed and snuggles, when he says, "You are my most favorite Momma", when he tells me I look "bootiful". I tell myself, "He's already four!".

I also try to breathe through the moments when he tells me, "You are the worst Mommy in the world!", when he hits his little sister, when he flings himself on the ground after being told "no". I tell myself, "He's only four!".

Back Again

2010-09-14T10:20:00.000-04:00

Connor & Riley started preschool last week. Connor is a big man on campus this year in the pre-k class, and Riley continues the family tradition of attending the 2's class with Ms. Sylvia. Even though these two are the closest in age out of the three kids, they aren't terribly close (perhaps Riley still remembers how he welcomed her home from the hospital) so this photo just kills me. And when I dropped them off, Riley practically jumped out of the van without a single tear (also an Alderman child tradition) and Connor cried out, "Wait, I'm supposed to hold her hand!" They had a terrific first day, even though Riley insisted on calling Ms. Sylvia "Grandma" and even though Connor gave me a minor heart attack when he grabbed my keys and went out to the garage and started the van while I was getting Riley ready to go. I loved his enthusiasm, but I'm now storing my keys in a higher location.

Last Gasp

2010-09-07T10:57:00.000-04:00

I feel like Labor Day weekend is the last gasp of summer around here. The neighborhood pool closes, preschoolers head back to school, and days get noticeably shorter. There will be fewer ice cream faces on the back patio.

We gathered with neighbors in the back yard for maybe the last fire pit of the summer, and the kids ate s'mores and danced around the fire. Even the mosquitoes seem to know summer is ending, as even with a heavy armor of bug spray we were all devoured by the devils. They fed on us like it was their last meal . Casey said, "I'm ready for winter because there are no moquitoes!"

On one hand, I look forward to fall. I love fall. I love the colors, the crisp weather, new boots, chili on Sunday afternoons -all of it. But on the other hand, I know that winter is right on our heels, and that means the inevitable 4 month hibernation that occurs up here. Maybe this year, in the absence of surgeries and low white cell counts, maybe we'll venture out a little more during the cold. Perhaps replace the fire pit with a fireplace? I'll have to work on that. In the meantime, I am also reminded that the change of seasons isn't all bad. At least football is back.

For the Fellas

2010-08-25T17:36:00.002-04:00

Lest you think I'm completely biased, here's a little shout out for the dads.

Amen Sisters

2010-08-24T12:58:00.000-04:00

I laughed out loud at this special version of Bohemian Rhapsody just for us moms.

My favorite line "Lucy get your butt in the Durango!"

Girlfriends

2010-08-12T14:50:00.001-04:00

I just returned from a weekend in Chicago with 7 of my closest girlfriends, and it was simply wonderful.

It was three nights and almost three full days of laughing, eating, teasing, and drinking. It was three nights and almost three full days of no temper tantrums, no poopy diapers, no cooking, and no cleaning. For a group of women with 21 young children between them, this is as close to heaven on earth as we can get right now.

Thursday night kicked off with a champagne toast, and we toasted to the small miracle it took to coordinate 8 different schedules in order to get us in the same city on the same weekend. More drinks followed, as well as conversations about gardening and composting and finding snakes in your dining room.

Friday found us in the most amazing seats at Wrigley for a Cubs game courtesy of Kathy's sweet brother (single ladies of Chicago - hello! He's gorgeous, smart, employed, and really tall.). Third row behind home plate. There were husbands and fathers all over the country green with envy. Then more talking, laughing, eating, and drinking.

Saturday was spent meandering around the Miracle Mile and enjoying the opportunity to shop and try on clothes without a stroller full of kids screaming in the background. Giordano's pizza for dinner, and then back to Wrigleyville to watch an old friend perform in a hilarious improv group. Then more talking, laughing, eating, and drinking.

The cups they're holding? Oh, yes. That was lunch. That's right people, some of us had chocolate milkshakes for lunch. Just because we could.

I felt lucky the whole weekend. Lucky to have friends like this, who love me exactly as I am, good and bad. Friends who were there to listen if I wanted to talk about cancer, but didn't expect me to. Lucky just to be here, and be healthy enough to have fun with my friends. And I felt especially lucky to have a supportive family to take care of my kids so I could go have this experience.

Sunday we slowly extracted ourselves from the Heavenly Beds at the Weston and tearfully went our separate ways. The only thing we had left to talk about at the end of the weekend was, "When can we do this again?"

First of First

2010-08-11T11:34:00.000-04:00

Hard to believe this guy started his first day of first grade yesterday. He said everything was fine, but that "There are no toys in first grade," "They don't give you as long to eat lunch in first grade," and "The day is longer in first grade". You could try to convince him otherwise, and you could also convince a rock to get on the bus and go to school in his place.

So Ferb, What Should We Do Today?

2010-08-03T16:10:00.000-04:00

Maybe we should throw a birthday party for a special 6 year old boy? Last Thursday Casey turned 6, and his requested party theme was "Phineas and Ferb", which is his favorite show. The only problem with that request is that the P&F party supplies have not been released yet, so I had to create my own (although a friend told me that she thought she saw some last week at Wal-Mart, so maybe I was just a week too early in shopping). I found another use for the ubiquitous chalk board in the kitchen by drawing a banner, and it is still up because Casey will not let us erase it. Thankfully, the characters are easy to draw. If he ever requests a Monet themed party, I'm SOL.

Perry! There you are boy! What, doesn't everyone request strawberry flavored cupcakes with miniature platypuses on top (is that right, or is it platyputi?) for their birthday?

The birthday boy got a new bike, so no more fighting between he & Connor over the old one. So really, it was a gift to me too!

His only other major request was a pinata, but the party store was out of the number 6. So we turned a 9 upside down, which is why it looks like it was tied to the tree by rednecks. In keeping with the Phineas & Ferb theme, the goody bags contained secret agent sunglasses in honor of Agent P (Perry's secret identity).

The glasses also made them look like rejects from a Blues Brothers convention, which only made them more adorable.

Phineas and Ferb like to invent and build things, so we had a few activities of that nature. We made our own ice cream in ziploc bags (word of advice: don't use the cheap generic bags for this project, or you might end up with salty ice cream. Small children do not enjoy salty ice cream). And we made diet soda bottle rockets. If you want to see how fast I can move, watch this:

So, all in all, much fun was had by all. I really love putting together parties for the kids, even though I bitch every year about how much work it takes. Casey declared this the "Best birthday EVER!", which is the best compliment a mom can get.

Spontaneous

2010-07-17T11:22:00.000-04:00

Routine definitely rules around here. As a means of survival, I have always kept to some sort of schedule - lunch at 12, naps at 2, dinner by 6, bed by 8:30. During the summer, we certainly loosen up a bit, but I know if I get too far out of the routine, there will be consequences. As a result, I'm not nearly as spontaneous as I'd like to be. For all my talk of having some big adventures with the kids this summer, we've mostly played it safe. Rob was home this week helping me recover from surgery, and on Wednesday morning I opened my eyes to find him standing over me. "Want to go to the beach today?" he asked. Without hesitation, I said yes and we loaded up the kids and headed to Lake Michigan.

We had a late start, but were in the sand at our special spot by 2. The kids built a sand castle, and the boys swam in the lake like fish. Connor even figured out how to bodysurf on the little waves and ride them to shore. Riley, on the other hand, refused to get near the water and made one of several versions of this face when asked if she'd like to get in the lake:

I managed to read a few chapters in a chic-lit beach book, and we just relaxed while the kids played in the sand, ate grapes, and enjoyed the day. After a few hours of heat & sun, we packed back up. After a quick stop at the Round Barn tasting room so I could stock up on wine and dinner at Redamaks, we were back on the road to Carmel.

Later that night, after we put sunscreen scented kids to bed and were sitting on the couch, enjoying a glass of wine, I asked Rob if we were crazy for spending 5 hours in the car just to spend 3 hours on the beach. Because nobody got a nap, and every meal was an hour later than usual, and I don't think any of us consumed a single vegetable (unless you count french fries at lunch AND dinner a vegetable). "Of course not!" he instantly replied, and I had to agree. The kids will never remember the schedule, but they might just remember the day we threw it out the window and went to the beach.

P.S. As the photo above proves, I do not look like Pam Anderson after surgery. I just look like me. Which was the exact outcome I was hoping for. I'm recovering very well, and happy to have another step in this cancer journey in my rearview window.

Alderman Rehabilitation Program

2010-07-04T18:00:00.000-04:00

Current stats: Three theft suspects apprehended in program. Suspects given meal of raisins, and then released due to good behavior into the wilds of Carmel courtesy of Dan Casey. Criminal activity in the rectangle of tranquility has subsided.

Guess What I'm Getting Tomorrow?

2010-06-30T21:03:00.000-04:00

Hee, hee. Of course, mine will not be so... voluptuous, but they will be brand new and all mine. Tomorrow is "Ta-Ta Thursday", where the expanders that were placed in my first surgery will be removed and replaced with the permanent implants. I am very excited. I have been assured that compared to the first surgery this will be a cakewalk, and I will even be sent home tomorrow afternoon.

Hef, I'll be waiting for your call for that "Miss October" gig. Hee, hee...

I'm Mad as Hell and I'm Not Gonna' Take it Anymore!

2010-06-29T14:53:00.001-04:00

Garden Party Crasher

2010-06-28T11:11:00.001-04:00

This is what I call my "Rectangle of Tranquility":

It is my little garden, containing a few tomato plants, some pole beans, squash, zucchini, green peppers, and assorted herbs. It's not much, but it keeps me happy and busy weeding and watching. I really think gardening is as effective as therapy, with the added bonus of having something to eat for all your efforts. So you can imagine my frustration when I found that my rectangle of tranquility had been invaded:

Even with the chicken wire fence, a generous dose of red pepper flakes applied to the base of plants, and mint plants scattered throughout (which are supposed to deter rodents and rabbits) something still managed to get in and attack the first almost ripe grape tomato. And didn't even have the decency to finish it! I am researching no-kill traps and seriously considering my grandfather's method of pest control - catch them and them drive them out to the middle of nowhere and let them go. Either that our I'm buying an air rifle and going Bill Murray in "Caddyshack" on them ("License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote."). Casey thinks we should set up a video camera out there to catch the culprit, but he hasn't quite thought through who would man the camera and what exactly we would do once we caught said culprit on video.

See, I have finally conquered my fear of water-bath canning, and I have big plans to put up as much of my garden's fruits as I can, so this thief is really stealing food from children. It should be ashamed of itself. I've made strawberry preserves and pickles, and am anxiously waiting for tomatoes to come in so I can make sauces and salsa.

So if anyone has any new suggestions on how to keep my garden party crasher out, I'm open. I'm not taking this lightly. I will not stand by and let my rectangle of tranquility be violated!

P.S. Thanks for all the kind words about Ani. I think we're healing a little everyday, and hearing from others who have been through this helps so much. Thank you.

Our Sweet Girl

2010-06-24T17:15:00.000-04:00

We said a very sad goodbye to our sweet girl on Tuesday morning. Ani was 13 years old, and as I explained to the kids, that is almost 100 in dog years, which is very old. I tried to explain to them that she worked so hard all those years to take care of us and love us that her little body just wore out, and she had to go on to a place where she could keep doing her job. I told them that we were so lucky to have her for as long as we did, and that we would always love her and keep her in a special place in our hearts. I told them all these things, and really, I was telling myself as well. Saying goodbye to her was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and my heart is so heavy with grief it hurts. I keep expecting to hear the clicking of her nails on the floors (which used to drive me crazy at 6 am!). I keep going to the back door to let her out, I keep looking for her in her special shady place in the yard. But she is gone, and we miss her terribly.

I had to answer so many hard questions from the kids. How was she getting to heaven? Was she going to be an angel? Why did Jesus come back after 3 days but she doesn't get to (from Casey, which left me gape-jawed and unable to speak for several minutes)? Rob & I have done our best to answer their questions in reassuring and calming ways, but inside we are both asking the same questions. Why couldn't she just live forever with us, resting her head on our laps and blessing us with her sweet grace? I don't know.

She was there for everything - everything. The night we got engaged. The morning we found out we were going to have a baby. Every birthday, every graduation, every Christmas. I can count on one hand the number of times she was aggressive in her whole 13 years, but by and large she was patient, and kind, and generous. She was love.

When one of his band members died last year, Dave Matthews said, "It is always easier to leave than be left," and we, all of us in our extended family and friends who loved Ani, are certainly feeling the truth in that this week. I know that in time we will heal, but I will always miss my sweet, sweet girl.

Eleven

2010-06-11T17:17:00.000-04:00

Wanna pack your bags, Something small
Take what you need and we disappear
Without a trace we'll be gone, gone
The moon and the stars can follow the car
and then when we get to the ocean
We gonna take a boat to the end of the world
All the way to the end of the world

Oh, and when the kids are old enough
We're gonna teach them to fly

You and me together, we could do anything, Baby
You and me together yes, yes

You & Me, Dave Matthews Band

Last Call

2010-06-10T18:30:00.001-04:00

Finally, finally, finally I received my last chemo treatment today. My last cocktail hour at the Springmill Oncology Clinic, and I couldn't be happier. It is a bit of a mix of emotions right now, but mostly relief. I feel like an 800 pound gorilla is off my back.

I have always told Rob that if I ever own a bar I will play "Closing Time" by Semisonic every night at last call, and my own personal "last call" today got me thinking about that song.

Closing time - time for you to go out, go out into the world.
Closing time - turn the lights up over every boy and every girl.
Closing time - one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer.
Closing time - you don't have to go home but you can't stay here.

I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - time for you to go back to the places you will be from.
Closing time - this room won't be open 'til your brothers or you sisters
come.
So gather up your jackets, and move it to the exits - I hope you have found
a
friend.
Closing time - every new beginning comes from some other beginning'send.

Yeah, I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - time for you to go back to the places you will be from...

I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

How appropriate. Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. I'm ready.

Me, Meself, and Me

2010-06-03T17:38:00.000-04:00

"I do it meself!" I hear that phrase about 100 times a day. Riley has become Miss Independent, entering that precarious toddler stage of wanted to do everything on her own. It's a tough one, because you walk a fine line between letting her do things by herself so she can learn and trying to be patient and encouraging and losing your ever-loving mind because it is taking you 45 minutes to let her buckle her own car seat in the parking lot of Target. But just when you think you've reached the point of zero-tolerance, she'll thrust her little fist up at you and simply say, "Hand!" and want you to help her across the street. It just melts my heart.

And just as I suspected, the trend is catching on.

My counts were too low on Tuesday to get chemo, but I returned this morning and luckily was able to receive treatment, so everyone keep your fingers crossed that everything goes well and I receive my last round next week.

Great Expectations

2010-05-26T11:52:00.000-04:00

I had great expectations for this summer. Done with chemo. Done with surgeries. No school, no schedules. Just time to have fun with the kids and try to enjoy our time together. Maybe get out of town and find some adventures beyond our house. And then I had a little setback last week when I went in for chemo. The neuropathy had spread to my toes, and that combined with some other side effects was enough for my oncologist to hold off on treatment indefinitely, until the symptoms were resolved. Which shouldn't have been a big deal, but it was. My surgery for the next stage of reconstruction was scheduled for July 9, and my surgeon requires at least a month break between chemo and surgery. I only had a week cushion built in to the schedule, so if I had to push chemo out 2 weeks, I'd lose my surgery date. So just like that, all my great expectations blew up in my face. And I had a small breakdown. All the pent up frustration over this whole situation came pouring out, and once I opened the floodgates I couldn't shut them down. You would think by now I would have learned not to make plans, or at least not to become emotionally attached to plans, but I did. My heart was set on that June 1 finish line for chemo, and that July 9 surgery date, and some days just looking at those dates circled in my calendar gave me the motivation to keep my head up.

So we came home and Rob did something completely ridiculous. He put a tv in our bathroom. The bathroom was wired for cable on the wall when we moved in, and Rob has always talked about mounting a small flat screen in there. He seemed to think that it was just what I needed - to soak in the tub after a long day, drink a glass of wine, and watch one of my trashy reality shows. I thought it was the most ludicrous idea in the world. Who needs a tv in the bathroom? But when credit card points needed to be used and he informed me the tv would be free, I couldn't argue anymore. So last tuesday when I felt the weight of so many important things pushing me down, I gave in to the ridiculous. And you know what? He was right. God love him. First off, we will never have a problem getting the kids in the bathtub, ever. And as for me? I soaked in the tub, he brought me a cold beer, and I escaped in someone else's reality for a little while, and it was awesome.

And after some research, Rob found some amino acids that other patients had good results in using to treat their neuropathy, and so I got some and was better enough this week to get treatment yesterday. And then I got home and found a message that my surgeon needed to move my surgery up a week, and there went my great expectations again. But it didn't make my world collapse like last week. I'm learning to have small expectations, to not set my heart so solidly on a date on a page, to trust that sometimes someone else's expectations (like putting a tv in the bathroom) are just as valid. And as for those big summer plans, if all else fails I'll just throw them all in the tub and we'll find some adventures in there.

Trendsetter

2010-05-17T10:46:00.001-04:00

Here our model is showing the latest trends for Spring 2010. Monkey pajamas add a sense of whimsy to the ensemble, while the snowboots provide the practical edge to this preschool haute couture.

I really think he's ahead of the curve here, and that by summer's end everyone will be wearing their PJs and snowboots to play outside.

Day at the Races

2010-05-14T09:58:00.002-04:00

Things around here have been busy, busy, busy in the two weeks since Oaks, and I haven't really had a minute until now to post a little something about our experience. It was amazing. Rob & I were joined by several close friends, and everyone was so sweet to get into the day by getting dressed up in pink and hats. The weather was beautiful (unlike the very wet Derby that followed the day after) and perfect for sipping the signature drink of the day, the Lilly.

Poor Rob. I sent him on a quest to bring me back a Lilly in the official stemless glass, and it took him over an hour to hunt one down at the only stand at the track serving them. He's a good man.

The survivor parade was both heartbreaking and exhilarating. I met several other young survivors - one who was diagnosed while she was pregnant and went through chemo while pregnant, one who found her tumor while doing a self-exam because her best friend had been diagnosed three months earlier (who was also in the parade), one who has 2 yr old twins and a 1 yr old at home while she's going through the same chemo treatment as I am. It was comforting to be surrounded by women with a shared experience, and yet so terribly disappointing to be faced with the realization again of how many of us are out there. But then we began the walk, and it was so much more emotional than I had anticipated. Everyone in the stands cheered for us, and being in front of that many people smiling and applauding and yelling words of support, it was overwhelming. We walked from the backside to the finish line, and stood at the edge of the track to watch the Oaks race, which was amazing. I felt like royalty for a minute, and for a minute forgot the reason that I was there and simply enjoyed the race.

Thank you so much for everyone who went online and voted for me. It was an experience I will never forget. Now we are back to reality and wrapping up the school year for the kids with songfests and field days, and getting closer every day to completing chemo (only 3 treatments left!). I'm excited to be done, and to get on with life, and looking forward to spending the summer with my kids, just being.

Random Dynamics

2010-04-28T21:36:00.002-04:00

Just had to share a little more love between Casey & his baby sister. Sitting back and watching the dynamics play out between the three kids is fascinating. Actually having to break up the "dynamics" around here, well, that's more frustrating than fascinating. But I still look at them and feel blessed that they are here, and that they belong to me. Even when one of them pulls down his pants and pees in the corner of the family room. A story for another time perhaps...

I received a reduced dose of Taxol this week due to a little numbness in my fingers. The hope is we caught it early enough to prevent permanent damage. Lord knows I don't need any assistance in being clumsy and dropping things, thank you very much. Other than that things are progressing very well, and I'm still on track to finish up June 1 (yay!).

I am so excited about the Oaks this friday I can hardly stand it. I think that some of the survivor's parade is supposed to be broadcast on Bravo on friday from 5-6, but I don't know how much. Watch for Rob & I - we'll be the ones sporting matching pink-dyed bald heads. Kidding. Maybe.

Still Breathing

2010-04-19T17:56:00.007-04:00

I got an email from one of my girlfriends this afternoon that said, "You haven't posted anything to your blog in a couple of weeks and it always makes me LOL, sometimes ROFL. Entertain me young lady! But secretly i looked today and the last date you posted something was like the 3rd and i hoped you are feeling ok." And two things stuck out about this message. One - I have no idea what "ROFL" means (seriously, I know it acknowledges that I am 100 years old, but can someone please explain this one to me? Because I don't think it means what I think it means) UPDATE - I googled it, and for those of you living in the dark ages with me it means "rolling on the floor laughing". I was right, it didn't mean what I thought it meant. Two - that maybe some of my friends out there don't call because they don't want to bother me in case I'm sick, but they are checking here to make sure I'm doing OK. If anyone falls into that category, I'm sorry. I sometimes feel that if I don't anything interesting or new to write about then I just shouldn't, but given the circumstances perhaps I should at least update and let folks know I'm still breathing. I'm still breathing. I have received 5 rounds of Taxol chemo, and so far things have gone as well as I could have ever hoped. Taxol is a much kinder drug than the A/C, and although they give me enough Benedryl to sedate a horse with each round, I have escaped any major side effects. I have experienced some "chemo brain", like forgetting where I put things (although, thankfully not the children - I always remember where I put the children!) and forgetting to post to my blog to let people know I'm still breathing. I'm still breathing. Wait - did I write that already? See, this is what I'm dealing with.

Aside from the chemo brain, the other thing keeping me from posting has been that fact that I have been plain old busy. First, there was Spring Break week where I was home by myself with the kids. I don't think that needs any further explanation. Second, my parents were in town last week to help and to attend the Race for the Cure, and my sister & I had secretly plotted to surprise them with her & my two nephews coming in for the weekend. Trying to throw them off the scent for a whole week was surprisingly more work than I had thought. We were successful though, and we had a great weekend.

The walk was awesome. Over 41,000 people participated in the walk Saturday morning. They had a "Survivor Village", and we were treated very well there. They had Starbucks coffee & breads, some goodies for us, and a photo booth to take pictures with your co-survivors. I wished that the weather had been warmer (it was VERY chilly!) but at least the sun was shining bright and the skies were clear. And look, here I am with Indianapolis Colts Center Jeff Saturday!

Jeff, along with fellow offensive linemen Ryan Diem and Kyle DeVan, signed autographs in the survivor's tent before the race. Pretty cool. And after the Peyton incident last summer, that means I am only 7 players away from meeting the starting offense for the Colts. Reggie Wayne, you've been warned.

I wish I had handed the camera off to someone to snap a photo of my whole family there, but I did remember to have a photo taken with the 5 of us. And I don't think there was a little girl there in a cuter pink outfit than Riley.

If only she had stopped moving long enough for me to get a decent photo. All the kids had on t-shirts that said "I wear pink for my Mommy", and they were very sweet in them. It really was a great day.

So, that's what has kept me from updating the blog. I'll try to do a little better. Unless I forget, which is entirely possible. Did I mention I'm still breathing?

This Bow Was Made for Walking

2010-04-03T10:23:00.005-04:00

Before I get into the real subject of this post, let me first describe the horrible thing that happened this morning. The power went out! For almost 2 hours! BEFORE I MADE A CUP OF COFFEE!!!! For a minute I played it cool, thinking, "No biggie. I'll load the kids up and hit the Starbucks drive-through", but then I realized WHEN THE ELECTRICITY IS OUT I CAN'T GET THE VAN OUT OF THE GARAGE! Oh, the humanity! I was moments away from bribing my neighbor whose van was in his driveway to take us somewhere, anywhere, that had hot coffee. Thankfully, the power came back on before I could offer to give him one of our children in exchange for a ride to McDonalds.

Now, back to the post. A few weeks ago I took to the internet in search of a monogrammed hair bow for Riley (why I decided she MUST have one I don't know, but anywhoo). The problem with most of them I found was that they were too big and heavy for her fine hair. But then I found Sweet & Sassy Gifts on etsy, and problem solved. Sweet & Sassy offers smaller bows mounted on alligator clips, which are the perfect size for Riley. I was so impressed with the quality of the bow and monogram, and then I got to thinking how much I'd like to have a breast cancer pink ribbon bow for Riley to wear at the Race for the Cure walk. I contacted Sweet & Sassy, and the ladies were so sweet to create this ribbon & send it to me.

How cute is that? It's exactly what I wanted, and it looks adorable on her.

They have so many cute things in their shop, and if you're heading to Disney with your little girl you should check out this bow - it's too sweet. Now I just have to work on getting her to keep a bow in her hair for more than 10 minutes, and I'll be in business.

Spring Clicking

2010-03-24T09:01:00.004-04:00

On days when I'm not feeling so hot from the chemo, I like to click around on web and do a little virtual retail therapy. Fortunately, I generally utilize quite a bit of "virtual will power" by not purchasing anything, but for some reason just looking around at all the cool things out there makes me feel a little better. And I don't have to take off my PJs or put on my wig to go look at them. Here's a few things that I've been doing some spring clicking on lately:

1. This camera bag that doesn't look like a camera bag from epiphanie bags. It is big enough to hold my camera body, lenses, flash, and assorted gear, but it doesn't scream "I carrying all my expensive camera gear in here!". Plus, the aqua color goes perfectly with the branding colors for my photography business.

2. Um, these are CROCS. And they're cute, and probably very comfy, and probably wouldn't make my feet look like giant life rafts, like the traditional Crocs do.

3. Ah, Anthopologie, how you taunt me. Such cute things, such ridiculous prices. Actually, the price for this necklace is pretty reasonable, but the problem is I can't decide between the turquoise and coral versions, and buying two kinda' blows the whole "reasonable" angle.

4. Thank you for all the votes you have submitted for the Oaks Survivor's Parade. My numbers look really good and there's a pretty good chance I'll get to go! Of course, if you're going to the Oaks you have to have a fabulous hat. I love the ones made by Del Mar Hats, but the price tags have me thinking I'll just make the loaner from my mom work.

5. There is no shortage of Star Wars toys and collectables in our house, and yet I'm having trouble fighting the urge to add to the collection by making each of these little guys from the patterns sold by Lucy Ravenscar on etsy.

So there you have it, a glimpse into how I amuse myself while trying to not think about puking. And as long as I keep from clicking the "purchase" button, I figure there's no harm in a little continued spring clicking.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2010-03-17T13:54:00.003-04:00

Here's hoping you all are feeling lucky on this beautiful St. Patrick's Day. Casey drew this picture, and my favorite part is how he added a jaunty little bowler hat to the C in his name. My first round of Taxol went as well as it could have yesterday, and although we wont be partaking in any green beers here I might just feel up to sipping a little Guinness later on.

Canvas the Area

2010-03-13T10:55:00.003-05:00

Many of my photography clients ordered gallery wrapped canvases for Christmas this past year, and I was always so jealous when they arrived. They were so pretty, and I really wanted one for myself of our kids. But I didn't think I had a photo of them that was "worthy" of a canvas. I finally had a little session with them last month, and at first I didn't think I got anything good. Then, the more I looked at this photo, the more I realized that all the things about it that weren't perfect were what made me love it all the more. The kids' hair is messy and all over the place. Connor is in the middle of trying to tickle Casey. Riley is barely smiling, and her shirt is slightly pulled up and everyone's collars are askew. But it is so them. I decided that capturing who they really are right now was better than a "perfect" shot, so I bit the bullet and ordered a 16x20 canvas. It arrived this week, and when I opened it I got tears in my eyes. It makes me so happy every time I look at it, so I feel like I made the right choice. Now we just have to decide where to hang it!

A few random notes:
- Our little video of cutting my hair has received over 9,000 views on YouTube! It has been viewed in Japan and Europe, and I've had so many people around here tell me how much they enjoyed watching it. Thank you for all the support and encouragement - it makes me feel like we're doing something right!
- My girlfriends have nominated me to be in the survivors parade for the Kentucky Oaks. For those who don't know, the Oaks is the race run by fillies the day before the KY Derby. Last year the Oaks began an association with breast cancer charities, and the day is considered a "Pink Out", where they ask all race attendants to wear pink in support of raising funds and awareness about the cause of breast cancer. Online voting has begun to select 136 breast cancer survivors to attend the race and participate in a survivors parade around the track. It is a real honor, and one that I would feel very blessed to receive. Please consider casting a vote for me at http://www.kentuckyderby.com/oaks/nominees. You have to register on the website to cast a vote, and then scroll through the nominees to find me - the girls selected the photo of me with my "punk mommy" look to accompany the nomination.
- I start Taxol on tuesday, so I am inching closer and closer to being done with chemo. Yay!

Four on the Floor

2010-03-05T08:33:00.003-05:00

Just popping in to gleefully announce that Tuesday marked my 4th and final round of A/C chemo! For the most part, the rounds were tolerable, thanks to some good drugs and lots of help from family and friends. For some reason though, this last round has been a little rougher - I felt sick before I even got out of the chair Tuesday. It's almost as if the chemo was saying, "Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out!" Anyway, I have a two week break and then I begin 12 weekly rounds of the next drug, Taxol. Even though that's 3 more months of chemo, I feel like I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. And I feel like Spring might be just around the corner, and there's always hope implied with the arrival of warmer weather and more sunshine.

I didn't really have a photo that went with this post, but I did a little session with the kids a few weeks ago and thought I'd share this one of the boys. Once again, Riley was less than enthusiastic about being photographed, but I loved this one of the brothers.

Chalk One Up

2010-02-25T14:30:00.003-05:00

The kids' favorite activity right now is drawing, and Casey alone could color through an entire pad of paper in a day if we let him. Inspired by the kitchen of Connor's teacher Susan, Rob suggested we paint the wall previously occupied by a high chair with chalkboard paint. Rob added trim around the edges today to finish it off, and the kids love it. They think it is pretty cool to color on the wall, and it offers an alternative to the massive amounts of paper they've been going through. I love that it keeps all three of them occupied while I'm getting meals together in the kitchen, and it is a great place for me to write quick notes about meetings, reminders, etc. I'm looking forward to all the little masterpieces they'll leave for me here.

Love.

2010-02-14T10:19:00.002-05:00

From our family to you, we hope your Valentine's Day is full of love. Ours is full of antibiotics and tissues, but also lots of love (I've already had a delicious breakfast in bed served by my four Valentines!).

In case you're wondering, the photo above is from last Sunday, also known as "The Day Never to be Spoken of Again".

I'm Two Sucker!

2010-02-10T17:11:00.003-05:00

Riley turned two on Monday, and I would love to show you some really adorable photos of her. But I don't have any, and there are a few reasons why:

A) She refuses to smile, stay still, or acknowledge me in any way while the camera is in my hand. Instead, she prefers to yell, "No WAY Mommy!" and fling herself on the floor. Unless I bribe her with a sucker, and then she only makes the face you see in the photo above.
B) She, like myself, has a raging sinus infection and the crimson-ringed nose to prove it.
C) Since we live in the frozen tundra called Indianapolis and there is a foot of snow on the ground, I can't take pictures outside, which is always my preference with a very mobile toddler.

So since I can't show you her little personality with photos, I'll have to just describe to you what our Baby Shiny (and, yes, we all still call her Shiny) is like at the ripe old age of two.

-Her hair is in a weird growth pattern where it is getting longer in the front and back only, leaving her with a very mullet-like hairdo. The bad hair days continue.
-She is having a language explosion, and being around her is like having a combination of Robin Williams as Mork and a Swedish exchange student living in the house. Example: "Connorsh nanunanu my have it!" Yet, some phrases are very clear (please see "A" in the list above).
-She is very, very sweet. Multiple times a day I am the recipient of random hugs and "I luuub you" sentiments.
-She loves playing with baby dolls, but she can also make the light saber "shwooozz" sound and will whack the heck out of you with a saber if given the opportunity.

The main thing to know about Riley at two is that we all continue to be completely enamored with her. It's been such a different experience with her than the boys, and it is almost as if she has been "our baby" instead of "my baby". And I know I say it EVERY time one of the kids has a birthday, but I can't believe she is already two years old. My head seems to be conscious of time passing, but my heart is yelling, "But I just gave birth to her yesterday!". We just filled out the enrollment forms for her to start preschool in the fall, and even the preschool director had a hard time believing it when she got the forms (Casey was in her 3 yr-old class when Riley was born). And because I am aware of how quickly time seems to be moving, I am really making an extra effort to enjoy her at this age. I know it will soon be past, and I will be looking at that same little face on a twelve year old body, probably still telling me, "No WAY Mommy!".

MAKE THE CALL | LIVESTRONG Action

2010-02-04T11:03:00.000-05:00

Today is world cancer day. Please take a minute and check out the link.

MAKE THE CALL | LIVESTRONG Action

Love,
Jen

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

2010-02-01T13:47:00.004-05:00

The most notable side effect from chemotherapy is hair loss, and statistically 100% of patients receiving the kind of chemo I am taking will lose their hair. The hair typically falls out about 2 weeks after the first treatment, so I decided this weekend since I was getting close to the two week mark to take matters into my own hands. Actually, the entire family took matters into their hands since we all took a turn cutting my hair. Doing it myself allowed me to retain some control over the situation, and to have a little fun with it rather than dwelling on the negative aspects of losing my hair. Don't get me wrong - I'm not happy to be sitting here typing this sporting the Mr. Clean look, but I think I feel better about it this way than if I woke up one morning with my tresses clinging to my pillow instead of my scalp. Cutting it before it got all scraggly also gave me the opportunity to donate the hair to Locks of Love, which is a very cool organization that makes wigs for children who have lost their hair due to a medical condition or treatment. Something I just learned about Locks of Love is that although they require 10 inches of hair to utilize in making a wig, they can accept hair at any length and if it isn't long enough they can sell the hair and use the proceeds to offset the cost of making their wigs. How cool is that?

I made a little video to memorialize the haircut, and as you'll see the kids really got into helping me. I guess it's not everyday you get to help your mom shave her head! The crazy hairdos the kids were wearing were Casey's idea.

I think my favorite look might have been this "punk Mommy" style. Maybe I was a skater chic or a punk rocker in a former life? It felt strangely comfortable.

I head back to the oncologist tomorrow for the second round of chemo, and I'm armed with some new drugs this time and hopeful for a smoother week than the first round. If not, at least I no longer require someone to hold my hair while I get sick!

Dear Mr. Manning

2010-01-24T22:19:00.003-05:00

Dear Mr. Manning:

Back in July of last year, I made a little prediction. After having your picture taken with Casey on his 5th birthday, I predicted that it was a good omen and that our meeting brought you good luck that would take you back to the Super Bowl. You can thank me by sending me tickets to Miami. I don't even require club level - anything you have to spare will do just fine.

Your Welcome,
Jen

P.S. Thanks for kicking the Jets' ass. Their fans were really obnoxious.

Cocktail Hour

2010-01-20T09:01:00.003-05:00

Rob & I headed back down to the IUOR yesterday to have my chemo port placed. This surgery was much faster than my first (duh) and I had an easier time transitioning out of anesthesia. They "fast-tracked" me out of recovery, which was fine with me because the recovery area is a bizarre slice of hospital life, and once I was on my feet and all my vitals were good they sent us on our way. We then headed up to my oncologist's clinic on the northside of Indy, about 7 miles from our house so that I could receive the first round of chemo. After checking my blood counts to ensure I was in good shape to receive treatment, the nurse got started with administering the first drug, Adriamycin. Adriamycin is classified as a antitumor antibiotic, and it is cell-cycle specific. That means it only affects cells when they are dividing, preventing cancer cells from rapidly dividing and growing. Unfortunately, the drug doesn't know the difference between cancer cells and healthy cells, so it prevents division in all of them, which is why hair loss is a side-effect of this drug. After the nurse pushed the Adriamycin through a syringe hooked up to my port, she then hooked up the next drug, Cytoxan, to an IV drip connected to my port. Cytoxan is an alkylating agent, which means it is cell-cycle non-specific, and means that it affects cells that are in the resting phase. All told, it took about 2 hours to receive my chemo cocktail, and then we headed home. I was exhausted from the day's activities, but other than that I felt pretty good. After I was home for a little while, however, I began having that icky "hangovery" feeling, and sure enough before too long I started getting really sick. Even after taking some more antimetics, I still got sick, and so we will definitely need to tweak my meds before the next round, because they reassured me yesterday that they can keep trying drugs until they find a combination that works. Apparently vomiting and chemo don't go hand-in-hand anymore, and so I'm hopeful we can get it worked out. Today I feel tired and a little weak, but I've kept food and (THANK GOD!) coffee down this morning, so I hope today will be better. I actually feel some relief that I've gotten started and am on my way to getting all this over with. 1 round down, just 15 to go!

I've had some cocktail hours in the past that were certainly more enjoyable than yesterday's, but Rob was with me the whole day and we tried to have a little fun with it. The photo was a quick one I snapped with my laptop, and I took it before I'd had any chemo so that's why we're smiling so big. FYI - the pink ribbon Colts hat I'm wearing was a gift from my Dad, and I got compliments on it all day (maybe because the Colts are heading into the AFC Championship this Sunday on a mission to put the hurt on the Jets they should have received in December). I think he ordered it through nfl.com, but if anyone is interested in finding one let me know and I'll check with him and pass it on. I think they have them for all the pro teams, but why you'd want to purchase one that didn't have a horseshoe on it I don't know! GO COLTS!!!

Say a Little Prayer

2010-01-14T13:17:00.002-05:00

Just a quick request from me - my sister-in-law, Jill, has a best friend who is in Haiti right now. She was there, along with her 12-yr old son, on a mission with her church group when the earthquake occurred. Jill has spoken with her briefly and knows they are both OK, but conditions are dire and they have no idea when or how they will return home. Please say a little prayer for their quick return home safe & sound.

Thanks!

Bad Hair Day

2010-01-13T11:49:00.003-05:00

Poor Riley. It seems she has inherited my super-fine hair, and perhaps a lifetime of bad hair days as a result. Her hair is still growing in (I didn't have a full head of hair until after I turned 2), and the only thing I can do to "style" it is pull it on top of her hair in a little feathery ponytail. As you can see from the photo, she really loves it when I do this. I might be slightly more obsessed than I normally am about hair as I am about to lose mine from the chemotherapy (I went wig shopping today, which is a whole story in itself), and maybe that is why I'm suddenly forcing her into wearing the pony or bows. Since she rips the bows out about 4.7 seconds after I put them in, I think she's just going to have to get used to the pony.

Hurry Up and Wait

2010-01-06T10:29:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I feel like all I've done for the past two months is wait. Waiting for test results. Waiting to get in to see a doctor. Waiting to schedule a procedure. Wait, wait, wait. And I think it is making me slightly crazy (no comments please from the peanut gallery about how I was already a little crazy to begin with!). Because, in my mind, I have this incredible urgency, "Get the cancer out!", "Treat me now!", "Let's get on with it!", and that urgency is slamming up against all this external waiting, and the resulting stress is almost painful. Some days I feel really strong and in control, and other days all I want to do is lay in bed and watch a ten hour marathon of "Tabatha's Salon Takeover" (I find something oddly comforting about watching that crazy Australian lady bitch slap everyone into submission - I think I'd like to take her with me to a few appointments and see how long they'd make me wait!). You would think after spending the past five years taking care of small children my patience threshold would be much higher, but that doesn't appear to be true. We're still waiting for some test results that we were supposed to have last week, but there was a delay at the lab (i.e. someone forgot to submit my sample for testing) and I think that has ratcheted up my frustration level a notch, and I'm praying that when they come back (hopefully this Friday) I will feel some relief. But until then, in the immortal words of Tom Petty, "The waiting is the hardest part."

Decisions and Disappointment

2009-12-29T08:52:00.004-05:00

No pun intended, but if you're an Indianapolis Colts fan, you've probably been feeling blue for the past two days. Or, if you're like me, you've been cursing a blue streak every time you think about the Colts management pulling the starters in the third quarter and cheating the players and fans of becoming a part of football history. I've watched this group of guys tough it out and win games this season based on sheer will; watched them play through injury and adversity to somehow win every game, and honestly I've found them inspirational. As far as I could tell, they were on course to replace the '72 Dolphins in football mythology - to become kings among kings. And then... their bosses quit on them. You could see it on the faces of Reggie Wayne, Dallas Clark, and certainly Mr. Manning as they watched a team of untested back-ups fail to hold a five point lead and allow their undefeated season to slip away. I've read all the justifications - resting the starters for the play-offs, that undefeated was never the goal, that this team's main obligation to their fans is to bring them a championship, blah, blah, blah. I don't like it, I don't agree with it, I don't understand it.

But Coach Jim Caldwell made a statement yesterday that almost made me empathize with him (almost being the operative word there). He said, "Once you make a decision, you have to live with it." Right now, I'm waiting on the results of a test that will give more information about my cancer and the likelihood that I will experience a recurrence of the cancer. This is supposed to help us make a more informed decision about whether or not to do chemotherapy, and the results may come back providing definitive evidence one way or the other, but more than likely not, and I will have the make the decision myself. I've done lots of reading trying to educate myself as best as I can. I've made a list of pros and cons. I've tried to approach it from every angle to try and ensure that I have completely thought everything through. Ultimately though, it may come to this: I will make a decision, and I will live with it. The people who know and love me will have to accept my decision, and they too will have to live with it. I know there is a significant difference between a football game and cancer, but I can't help but draw a comparison.

So I'm inclined to cut the men upstairs a little slack (little being the operative word there). Maybe they know something we don't (maybe they know alot of somethings we don't). Maybe they approached it from every angle to try and ensure they thought it completely through. Maybe they even had a list of pros and cons. And having watched these Colts grit it out and win some heart attack close games, I feel pretty confident that they have the mental fortitude to get past this disapointment and get on with winning. As a fan, I don't have to agree with Sunday's decision or like it, but ultimately I do understand that sometimes in life, you make a decision, and you live with it.

We Wish You...

2009-12-25T12:31:00.002-05:00

... the joy of being surrounded by loved ones
... the blessings of health and good fortune
... a very Happy 2010
... and a Merry Christmas!

Thank you to everyone who has prayed for our family this year, we hold you all dear in our hearts! We hope your Christmas Day is as wonderful as ours has been!

2009-12-15T09:02:00.002-05:00

Perhaps it is all the medical talk going on around here, but the book above is the one Casey chose last week during his weekly trip to the school library. I can't come up with any other feasible reason why a 5 yr-old boy would check out a book on the brain and nervous system when there were so many other choices - books on Star Wars, bugs, and endless other titles more appropriate for him. When we sat down yesterday to read the book, it definitely didn't read like the typical book for a kindergartner, and I have to admit I got lost a bit in the neurons and synapses and cells (it's been a loooooonnngg time since that human anatomy class!). But Casey listened intently and asked good questions. He has asked me numerous times, "Mommy, how did you get cancer?", and so I'm wondering if this book isn't an attempt on his part to find an answer, since honestly I don't have one. Anyway, I'm all brushed up now on the three sections of the brain, so that's good, and it gives me a little giggle every time I look at it to think of Casey picking that book out of all the others in the library. He might think he's going to be a rock & roller when he grows up, but I'm thinking it's more likely we have a future doctor on our hands.

The Angel Tree

2009-12-11T10:00:00.003-05:00

Last night we received the official pathology results from my surgery, and it was everything we hoped. Only 1 of the 32 lymph nodes removed contained cancer, and all the cancer removed from my breast had excellent margins. What this means is that as I sit here typing this post, I am doing it cancer-free. I will know more next week what implications these results have on any systemic treatments I receive, but I have to believe that treatment to keep cancer from returning has to be easier than treatment to kill existing cancer (although maybe I'm just naive and hopeful!). Regardless, I am delighted and relieved to receive these results. All those prayers seem to have worked!!

How am I feeling? Tuesday morning I felt like someone had ripped my arms off, beat me in the chest with them, and then stapled them back on my body. Since I have been home I have moments of feeling almost normal, and some moments of feeling really lousy. It is definitely not the lateral recovery that I expected - to feel bad, then little by little better and better until I felt like myself again. This experience is more like a roller coaster, one minute way up and the next way down, a few loopdy-loops thrown in for fun, and then back to the start again. Luckily, I have found that I share something in common with Barack Obama, which is that we both have personal physicians who attend to us 24 hours a day. Rob has been amazing in his care for me - I know that I could not have done this without him, and that my recovery will probably be faster as a result of his care. I think it has been an unusual experience for him, to be on both sides of care at the same time as both a doctor and the husband of a patient, and I know it has been hard. Like I said on Father's Day, they say good men are hard to find, but I was lucky to find mine when I did and smart enough not to let go.

So many people have sent ornaments to me, even people I only know as acquaintances, and I have been dumbfounded by the show of love and support. The photo above is of my little angel tree. I put it up in my room and Rob has been plugging it in for me while I'm in there resting, and it makes me smile. The other really encouraging thing about this photo is that I took it this morning, MYSELF. Which means I can hold my camera! I am restricted to my small lens, and I can't exactly chase a toddler around the park for a photo session right now and it's not the best shot I've ever taken, but I can document this experience in the best way I know how, and just knowing that makes me feel better.

Again, to everyone reading this who has prayed for my family, who has sent ornaments and cards and emails, who have blessed me with your positive thoughts - THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. I don't believe I'll ever be able to fully convey what is has meant to me, but please know how much it is all appreciated. Please imagine me giving you all a big hug, albeit a very light hug as my arms still mainly feel like they are being held on with staples!

Vegan Cookies

2009-12-09T18:53:00.003-05:00

I needed a good laugh, and this recent skit from SNL does the trick. Dave Matthews as Ozzy = brilliant, "I'm taking it easy, snacking on kettle corn!". Plus, I told Rob the way I'm shuffling around right now is very reminiscent of Ozzy, and Dave captures it perfectly.

Learning to Let Go

2009-12-05T14:57:00.004-05:00

When I was a little girl, one of our neighbors watched me while my parents worked, and I loved being at their house. They became like surrogate grandparents to me, and one of my favorite photos from our wedding is the one the photographer snapped of me with them. I remember one time, and I have no idea how old I was, one of my parents came to pick me up at the end of the day, and for some reason I didn't want to leave. I don't know why I acted like that, but I remember gripping the door to our car as either my mom or dad tried to put me in, and screaming and refusing to go. I was thinking about that event today, and thinking that the reason that I have such a clear and distinct memory of that time is that I have always harbored embarrassment for behaving so badly. I know now, as a mother myself, that sometimes kids just act out for no good reason, without understanding how their actions could be interpreted, and that rationally there is no reason to still feel badly for that one little moment in my childhood (Lord knows I did far worse things that I don't even feel the slightest tinge of guilt about!). But thinking about it today, I realized that is how I've felt for the majority of the past month. I have been going through the motions of daily life, trying to keep up with everything I have going on, and all the time in the back of my mind I have been screaming, "I don't want to go!".

But I have to go. I don't have a choice. I want to live, and so I have to go on Monday morning bright and early and allow the doctors to operate on me, to remove the cancer from my body. And I decided today that I can continue to feel like a cat refusing to go to the vet, with all four limbs braced against the door jam in refusal and risk the potential of looking back on this time with the same feeling of shame I regard that little moment from my childhood, or I can go willingly. I can accept that the only thing about this whole damn situation that I have any control over is how I handle it, and walk into the hospital in complete possession of my sense of self.

The t-shirts in the photo above were a request from Casey. When I went into the hospital to have Riley, I made them these shirts, and so when we sat down and talked to Casey about my cancer, his one question was if they could have shirts again like the last time I went to the hospital. So I thought "Why not?", and I made these for them. It makes me smile to think of the three of them wearing them on Monday, rooting me on in their own little way. My kids are my heroes. They are my inspiration. Casey was born 6 weeks early and was so tiny, and the morning after he was born the pediatrician came to examine him. He stuck his head in my hospital room and boomed, "Mrs. Alderman, that boy is tough as nails. He's going to be just fine." At less than a day old and less than 4 pounds, he was already giving the nurses in the NICU hell by pulling out his tubes and being generally stubborn. My other two babies entered this world just as obstinately, and all three have proven to have strong personalities. I figure if I can create such willful beings, then I must have that same strength and will inside me. I know I share the responsibility of their DNA with Rob, but looking at them, at their determination, I know that some of that came from me, and it is something we share. And so when I feel small and weak, I think of my little babies, and I feel strong. They are my heroes.

I re-read Lance Armstrong's book this week, and he talks in it about how those of us with cancer, how we are the lucky ones. I don't know that I fully understand that yet, but I think a sense of it has been revealed to me in the last month. An entire community of angels comprised of my family, friends, and acquaintances has surrounded me and showered me with love. I have received so many calls, cards, emails, and gifts that I am almost embarrassed by the attention. I carry all of the cards around with me in a folder so that I have a piece all of my angels with me all the time. And I think I have already been able to give something back - I have heard from so many people that as a result of my diagnosis they made doctor appointments and vows to take better care of themselves. I have to believe there is a reason for all that is happening to me, and little by little it is being revealed to me. I went to YouTube and pulled out this old Nike commercial, and it gives me so much hope. Just one year after his diagnosis he was back on the bike, winning races.

So Monday morning, bright and early, I will walk into Indiana University hospital (the same hospital where Lance was treated!) and I will kick some cancer ass. I will not be chanting "I don't want to go!". I will be thinking of all of my angels and I will put myself in God's hands, and in the hands of highly gifted doctors, and I will beat this thing. That same little girl who gripped the door of the car so tight and refused to leave still lives in me, and I will take her determination and add it to all the love I have gathered, and I will go. And then I'll keep going. After all, I have three heroes to raise.

Less Than Perfect

2009-11-21T15:00:00.003-05:00

Now that I have dispensed with the nasty business of telling everyone about my diagnosis, I can get back to writing about the important things in my life, like Christmas card photos of the kids (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). I was very fortunate this fall to be really busy with my photography business, and I had the chance to photograph some adorable kids. I got some really great photos, and feedback from families that I had captured their kids better than anyone before. So I was feeling pretty good about my skills and confident that I could get at least one really great photo of my kids. And yet again, I failed miserably (remember last year?) . So I present to you "Outtakes 2009".

I was hoping to capture the kids enjoying a warm fall evening playing with each other and having fun. Something that said, "We love each other and we wish you a wonderful Christmas." I think I captured, "We would rather be inside watching Scooby Doo and eating stale Halloween candy than smiling for the crazy woman behind the camera, even if she is our mother." Even though these aren't top-notch, I did manage to get a few cute ones and was able to put together a pretty card, so that's one more thing I can cross off my "to-do before the big surgery" list.

Oh, and I had to go the doctor this morning because I was running a fever and felt like I had been hit by a bus. I have H1N1. So, for those of you keeping score, that's Major Illnesses = 2, Jen = 0.

Not the Same

2009-11-10T15:37:00.004-05:00

<

A few posts ago I wrote about turning 34, and referenced a Talking Heads lyric "how did I get here?" as I felt it related to my life on that occasion. Little did I know that just a short month later, that song and those lyrics would hold even more relevance to me. On October 30, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Not exactly the kind of tricks and treats I thought would be in store for us Halloween weekend. How did I get here?

When the doctor said the words, "I'm so sorry, it's cancer." I felt like not only had the rug been pulled out from under me, but that I had been bashed over the head with it as well. The next thing I knew I had appointments lined up with oncological and plastic surgeons, social workers, and genetic counselors. Rob & I began reading and researching - I had been enrolled at Cancer U without ever even asking for an entrance exam. I wouldn't call myself an expert on breast cancer yet, but I'm sure as hell getting there. We are still waiting for the results of some tests to come back, but I know a few things for certain. I will require major surgery, and I will most likely require some form of chemotherapy, and radiation has not been ruled out. How did I get here?

I've already experienced anger - I have 3 babies at home that depend on me to take care of them. I do not have time to be sick! I have felt sadness and confusion - how did this happen to me? I'm too young for this! I've felt a part of some sort of cosmic joke - I ran triathlons to raise money for cancer research! I donated my hair for wigs for cancer patients! Don't I get a "get out of cancer free" card? Apparently not. How did I get here?

I have also felt incredible love and support. Our family immediately jumped into action to offer anything, and our friends responded the same way. I might feel like a part of a sick joke, but I do not feel alone. I also feel very lucky to have access to the medical team that has been assembled for my treatment, and I have every confidence that together we will beat this cancer.

I've been struggling to figure out how I will handle all of this on the blog. On the one hand, this is the place where I keep folks following it (mostly friends and family) updated about what's going on around here, and to share stories and photos from our lives. So it seems natural that my cancer would be a part of that. But on the other hand, I don't want this to become a "cancer blog", yet I know very soon that it will become pretty consuming and there will be little else to write about. I still don't have an answer, and so there may be a lapse between posts while I figure it out. I'm also toying with the idea of making the blog more private, so that you have to log in before you can read it (right now it is not accessible from search engines or by browsing through blogger - you have to know it's here to find it). Wasn't I just posting about someone pooping in the sink and making jam? How did I get here?

The reality is I don't know how I got here, or why. I know that there has to be a reason, even if I don't know it yet. I know that something good will come from all of it, even if it doesn't seem like that is possible right now. I know that with the support of my family and friends I will survive this and be stronger for it.

You Wanted the Best...

2009-11-01T19:19:00.004-05:00

... You Got the Best, The Hottest Band in the Land... The ALDERMANS!!!! OK, so maybe not quite as exciting as KISS playing a set on our block, but we did pull out the old school Gene & Paul make-up for Halloween last night. By all accounts we took top honors in the adult costume category, and more importantly our kids thought we were pretty cool. The kids totally rocked their Star Wars costumes, and thank goodness for my quick shutter because Riley refused to keep the Princess Leia buns on for more than a split second.

It was a crazy weekend - Imagination Movers' concert, Halloween, and the Colts game yesterday. There was also a little something else added in the mix, and I'm still trying to figure out how to handle it "blog-wise", so I'll keep you posted on that when I work it out.

2009-10-21T22:41:00.002-04:00

I'm just coming up for air here for a bit. It's been crazy around here, and I always feel like this time of year is being lived in fast forward. Fall, Halloween, then vroooooooommm, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Today was perhaps the last beautiful and warm day of the year - 73 and sunny - and the kids are on fall break so we headed to the zoo. Last week, however, was gray, gray, gray. I snapped the photos above one afternoon, and the one of Riley really seemed the capture the mood of a dreary fall day. And even though it was dull outside, I managed to coax a few bright grins from the boys. I may be quiet around here for the next little bit as we navigate everything that is going on, but I'll try to press pause when I can.

Same as it Ever Was

2009-09-29T12:26:00.002-04:00

Today is my birthday, and this year it snuck up on me. I've been so focused on everything else going on that I pushed turning 34 to the back of my mind, and even yesterday when a friend called to say happy birthday I had a brief moment of thinking that I had lost a day and had forgotten about it altogether. But today is the big day, and I'm feeling quite ambivalent about the occasion. This is one of those days where I feel like the Talking Heads song "Once in a Lifetime" is the soundtrack to my life:

" And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile,

And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife.

And you may ask yourself... well, how did I get here?"

Life seems to be moving so fast - yesterday I was a new wife working on a career, and the next minute I was a new mom with a premature baby in my arms, and then a few seconds later I was staying home to raise three kids and putting that first tiny baby on the bus to go to kindergarten. How did I get here?

I set my camera up on Riley's dresser and snapped this quick photo of us this morning, because I felt the need to capture the memory of this day - of me being 34 and her being little still. Looking at it I feel very blessed to have the people I have in my life, and although I have no idea how I got here, I just feel lucky that I am.

It's My Party...

2009-09-18T09:43:00.004-04:00

Tomorrow is Connor's 3rd birthday, so in honor of that I had to post this picture. I submitted it as an entry in a contest my web hosting company was having to celebrate their birthday. I didn't win the contest, but I did end up with this super cute photo of him. I'm hoping he wears a much different expression at his party tomorrow.

Another First

2009-09-15T15:56:00.002-04:00

Connor's first day of 3 yr-old preschool was today, and if you can't tell by the expression on his face, he was pretty excited. His teacher told me he had a great morning and was an "awesome listener". I double checked to make sure she had the right kid, and she did. I am now making plans to spy on the class to discover her secrets.

We're Jammin'

2009-09-11T09:35:00.004-04:00

I've been making an effort lately to try and be more conscious of the foods we consume alot of around here, and more importantly, the ingredients contained in those foods. I did some research on Red Dye #40 after a conversation with a friend in MOMs Club, and without getting on a soapbox, I'll just say that it probably will not hurt to eliminate it from our diets (some studies have shown that it increases aggressive behavior and attention deficit in kids who may be naturally sensitive to the dye). I realized that I was serving up a healthy dose of red dye to my kids at almost every meal of the day, and I figured that even if it poses no harm to my family, it isn't a necessary part of our diet and so it couldn't hurt to eliminate as much of it as possible. The kids all eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch just about every day, so strawberry jelly seemed like a natural place to start. When I read the label on the store bought jelly, I was surprised that it contained a whole host of ingredients that I didn't recognize, and, of course, Red Dye 40. I headed over to the natural foods section, but went into to sticker shock when I saw that a 6 oz jar of organic jelly was on sale for $6! Since I didn't want to take out a second mortgage to keep my family in jelly, I decided to take matters into my own hands and make my own jelly.

I did a bit of internet research on canning, and was tempted to buy a canning kit, but the whole boiling and sealing and possible bacteria contamination scared the bejeezus out of me (I'm still interested in giving it a whirl, so if any of you out there can, please comment with any tips, suggestions, etc. I'm hoping that next year's garden will be bigger and yield more produce so that I could at least can tomatoes and green beans for the winter). As luck would have it, the grocery had freezer jars and freezer pectin on sale, so with those supplies and a couple of pounds of fresh strawberries in hand, I gave freezer jam a try.

Casey was home from school and wanted to help me make the jam, so he became my co-pilot for this adventure. By far, the best part of the whole experience was when I handed him the big ziploc full of strawberries to crush with a rolling pin. He approached the bag of berries and announced, "Ha-ha strawberries! You're no match for me!" and proceeded to whack the hell out of them. The jam could have turned out crap and I would still have called it a success because I'm still laughing over that line. I used half Splenda in this recipe to reduce the sugar because I had read that using all Splenda could result in runny jam. We tossed in some blackberries from the freezer for a little extra flavor and color. When the jam had a chance to set up we tasted it and were pretty proud of ourselves. It is sweet but also a little tart, and we all seem to prefer the flavor and consistency of our jam over the store bought. Casey colored some labels, and when it was all said and done we had 5 jars of jam for just slightly more than the cost of one jar of organic from the store.

So one food from the dye list down, about 150 to go. I'm not foolish enough to think that I can control every single thing that goes into my kids' mouths or ensure that 100% of what we eat is totally healthy (nor would I want to - I'm pretty sure my system would go into shock if I cut out beer and chocolate and the kids might revolt if I took away their Goldfish crackers), but I feel better that I'm taking small steps to help us make some better choices. Plus, after Casey's destruction of the strawberries I'm kinda' anxious to see how he tackles tomatoes. I suspect they'll be no match for him either.

TGIFS

2009-09-05T15:49:00.001-04:00

Thank God it's Football Season.

A Girl After My Own Heart

2009-08-27T10:03:00.003-04:00

Riley spoke her first full sentence yesterday. In keeping with the old adage "the sweet tooth apple doesn't fall far from the sweet tooth tree", she walked up to me in the kitchen and clearly said, "I want a cookie". I mean, clearly announced it - I didn't have to use my skills as a future UN interpreter at all. I was so proud I gave her the cookie, even though it was 9 am.

I'll have to check with Mom, but I'm pretty sure my first sentence was, "I want pancakes." So, like I said, she comes by it naturally.

The Year of the Tomato

2009-08-20T15:52:00.003-04:00

We enjoyed a lovely evening last night at the State Fair. I don't remember being a huge fan of the fair as a kid, but I've come to look forward to Indiana's and it is one of my favorite summertime activities. This year's theme is "The Year of the Tomato", which I find slightly ironic considering the late blight that is affecting so many tomato plants in the northeast. I thought for a minute that my tomato plants had the disease, but now I think I'm just a garden hypochondriac. Anyway, first we hit the midway so the boys could enjoy some rides.

I wasn't crazy about the look this guy was giving me, and I'm pretty sure that's a gang sign he's flashing. We let the kids ride anyway.

We walked through the cattle barn, the sheep barn, and the swine barn. Connor was brave enough to crawl in this pen and pet a baby cow. It's a tough call on which of them is cuter.

I was seriously tempted. I mean, I love bacon. And I love chocolate. But we walked by this booth right after visiting the baby pigs, and something about it just didn't feel right. Plus, earlier in the evening I ate a tenderloin sandwich the size of a VW bug, so I had already hit my pork limit for the week.

We did swing by the dairy barn on the way out for dessert. The dairy barn might be my very favorite part of the fair. They have kid's meals with a grilled cheese sandwich, apple slices, and milk for $4 (a bargain at the fair!), they fill sippy cups with milk for free, and they serve the most delicious milkshakes and ice cream. That's Riley above demanding, I mean, asking nicely for more of my chocolate milkshake.

All that, and I haven't even covered the giant cheese sculpture, the antique tractor parade, or watching Clydesdale horses being unloaded from their truck. Or that The Oak Ridge Boys were in concert and so we danced our way back to the car as we left. Even with the blight, I'd say the year of the tomato was a successful one.

Catching Up

2009-08-14T20:38:00.004-04:00

This is a pretty common view from my vantage point these days. Riley works so hard to catch up to those brothers. I think we're all holding our breath a bit to see what happens when she does.

This is the First Day of the Rest of Your Life

2009-08-11T11:35:00.002-04:00

Or at least I'm sure that's how it felt this morning for Casey as he stepped on the school bus for the very first time. I'm finding it very hard to believe that he is old enough to be a kindergardener, and I certainly felt a little lump in my throat as he boarded the big yellow bus. However, seeing the genuine joy and excitement on his face made me very proud, and having met his new teacher and seen the school, I shared in his joy because I knew he was going to be in good hands.

His father, on the other hand, followed the bus to school and videotaped him getting off the bus and walking to his classroom. And secretly I was glad he did.

Catch and Release

2009-08-09T12:04:00.002-04:00

Rob took the boys fishing yesterday, and I have to admit I was suspicious of how much "fishing" would actually occur. I was once again proven wrong when the boys came home with a memory card full of photos from their adventure, including this pic of Casey's first catch. Thankfully since I know nothing about cleaning fish, this was a strictly catch & release outing. In addition to the fellow in the picture they caught a few more smaller fish and one pretty decent sized catfish. They all seemed to have alot of fun (except the meltdown Casey experienced when Connor lost part of his pole in the pond), but considering the condition they were in when they returned home, I'm not sure that they'll be going again any time soon.

Clutch Play

2009-08-06T23:13:00.003-04:00

Whew. I just put the finishing touches on an order of custom clutch purses from etsy, and it looks like I've been running a mini clutch purse sweat shop out of my basement work area. The bride has seen photos of her bags, and has given her stamp of approval and is excited to get them in hand. It was fun to design and put these together, and I got some warm fuzzies knowing that I was making something that was going to be a part of a special day. But I think I'm going to have to take a break from the custom work. Something about a looming deadline makes me crazy, and even when I have budgeted my time wisely something always interrupts my schedule - someone gets sick, someone has a birthday, family comes for a visit (or in the case of last week, all of the above). Or maybe I should just take a break from accepting orders of 12 bags at a time. Something less stressful. Maybe just 6 bags at a time...

One of These Guys Turned 5 Yesterday

2009-07-30T08:42:00.002-04:00

Here's a hint: it is not the 6'5", 230 pound quarterback with a rocket arm.

The Foamerator

2009-07-20T14:11:00.002-04:00

I'm always on the lookout for something fun and easy to occupy the kids during those periods of time I like to call "the witching hours" - those pockets of time that if left unplanned will ultimately result in the boys rolling on the floor fighting while Riley scales the kitchen pantry in her never-ending quest to eat everything not nailed down. I saw this craft in Family Fun magazine, and so this afternoon we made "bubble snakes". Aside from occasionally inhaling the bubbles, everyone had fun making them and playing with the bubbles, and it did eat up some of the witching hours. Now if I can just find something to occupy the remaining 8 hours, I might survive another Monday.

Better Than a Quidditch Stick in the Eye

2009-07-18T09:36:00.003-04:00

I'm missing most of the hoopla surrounding the new Harry Potter movie because my kids aren't old enough for the books or movies, my husband has no interest in Harry Potter, and the chances of me getting out to see the movie on my own are about as likely as me riding my flying broom to the theater. Luckily, one of my favorite fabric designers and all around craft genius Heather Bailey has gotten completely carried away with Harry Potter mania, and has created several recipes and crafts to indulge in all your wizardry desires. The one I'm most likely to try is her recipe for Butterbeer, which I always wished I had a frosty mug of while reading the Harry Potter books. Now, if she would only get to work on an invisibility cloak...

Where are Those Frickin' Dwarfs Now?

2009-07-13T20:50:00.003-04:00

This is one in a series of photographs by Dina Goldstein titled "Snowy", and I love it. Haven't we all felt like this at some point - like "This is NOT the Happy Ending I signed up for!". I'm a fan of this very theatrical style of photography, and although I feel several in her series go to far and unnecessarily reinforce some negative stereotypes, I think this one is brilliant. My favorite part about this photo is the fact that the prince is watching polo on the TV. Typical.

Lake Effect

2009-07-06T09:20:00.002-04:00

We're back home from a quick weekend vacation to Lake Michigan. We rented an adorable cottage in Sawyer, MI that was a short walk to the beach and Warren Dunes state park. We managed to pack quite a bit of activity into a short amount of time - shopping, swimming, hanging out at the beach, long walks, cherry picking, wine tasting, and just meandering through the area. Traveling with 3 kids under 5 is tough, and we were all sleep deprived, but even with tired, hyped up kids we were able to have a great time. And even better was the fact we were able to take Ani with us, as we're pretty sure she would not have survived the sounds of fireworks on the 4th here by herself (I'm started to suspect she did a couple of tours in 'Nam, just judging by her behavior during thunderstorms and firework displays).

Everyone had a favorite part of the trip - Casey loved cherry picking, Connor loved the campfire we built (he had a weird Beavis & Butthead moment I wish we had captured on tape where he just stood transfixed by the flame and repeated "fire" over and over again in a slightly demented voice), and Riley loved the beach where she ate sand by the handfuls. I mean, alot of sand - to the point that I was concerned about how much sand an 18 month old child could safely consume, as I was pretty sure she had exceeded that mark. And I think Rob & I could agree that our favorite part was the few moments we stole Saturday night after the kids finally went to sleep and we sat by the fire pit and talked uninterrupted and ate smores (a special dark chocolate version I had saved just for us).

We really loved the area and are planning to return again. There was plenty we did not get a chance to do or see, and although we all could use a vacation to recover from our vacation, I'm already feeling the effects this morning of the wonderful memories we made our first weekend at the lake.

Clever Cards Fans

2009-07-01T12:16:00.000-04:00

Sneaky Restaurant Fail � FAIL Blog: Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments: "
see more Fail Blog"

When Good Costumes Go Bad

2009-06-23T20:21:00.003-04:00

What happens when you wear 3 different Halloween costumes all at the same time, add a mullet wig, a toy saw & drill, and alot of attitude? If you're me, you get a free hour to cook dinner in peace.

Who's Your Daddy?

2009-06-22T17:00:00.004-04:00

They say a good man is hard to find. Not so, I say. I found one 12 years ago, and according to Casey, "He's the best!". I know this is a day late, but I hope all the dads out there had a great Father's Day yesterday. Keep up the good work, gentlemen.

Butterflies are Free

2009-06-15T09:49:00.005-04:00

Actually, they cost $5 for shipping and handling. But now our butterflies are free in the "Great God Almighty, free at last!" way. Casey received a butterfly habitat from his Nana for Christmas last year, and I promised him when the weather was good enough we would order the butterflies. He reminded me last month it was warm enough, so we sent off for and received our live caterpillars in the mail. We watched them turn into chrysalis', and then hatch into painted lady butterflies. We released them yesterday, and were all surprised at how fast they flew out of the tent - I was only able to catch this one little guy with my camera. We really enjoyed this project, and all the supplies came from Insect Lore. Looking around on their site it appears they have some neat stuff (except the spider kit, which I think should be outlawed. Aren't we all trying to keep spiders out of our house? Ick.), and I'm considering ordering some more.

Some random business:

*Thank you to everyone who has offered sweet comments to me about my etsy shop. It is so hard to tell if what I'm doing is any good (I like it, but that doesn't mean anyone else on the planet will!), so hearing that you like it too makes me feel good. And I lied about not being able to do yarnwork in the summer. I made a baby cardigan over the weekend that will up in the shop this week. So cute. If you are expecting a baby you should beware.

*We celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary last week, and look - Momma got new bling! I was so surprised by his beautiful and thoughtful gift that I almost fell out of my chair at the restaurant when he gave it to me. Ten diamonds (one for each year!) set in white gold. Sigh. He's a good man. I think I'll stay married to him for at least another 10. :)

Etsy Bitsy Shop

2009-06-10T14:31:00.004-04:00

You may have noticed the little square of pictures on the left side of my blog and wondered, "What the heck is Etsy?". Etsy is a wonderful website that allows creative folks to sell their handmade items to folks who like to buy handmade items. I like to think of it as a craft fair you can browse in the middle of the night in your pajamas. I had been hovering around Etsy for awhile, just looking at all the cool stuff other people were making and selling, and then I finally decided to open my own shop. I've been reluctant to really promote my shop because I didn't have that much for sale, and also because I didn't have a whole lot of confidence in my work. A few recent sales, such as the purse in the above photo that sold in less than 24 hours, have rebuilt my lacking confidence.

My store is still "itsy bitsy" compared to some others who have hundreds of items in their inventory, but I hope to add things as I sell them, and I'm open to making custom orders and so I try to keep myself available for that. Right now my shop mainly consists of items I have sewn, but I plan on adding some of my knit and crochet work in the future (I have trouble doing yarnwork in the warm months - it has always felt like a cold-weather activity to me). I am really enjoying designing my own items, like handbags, and then making them come to life. And its funny because I'm finding that my photography skills are heavily influencing my designing - like I see how I want the item to look in a photo and that provides the basis for the design.

If you're looking for a unique gift for yourself or someone else, please check out Etsy. Even if you don't buy from me (Especially if you don't buy from me, because if you're reading my blog I probably know you and would feel weird selling you something instead of gifting you with it for your next birthday. But if you wanted to pass the word on to friends I don't know...) I think it's really nice to support a community like Etsy that is providing a space for people to market their talents.

Summer Begins

2009-06-03T13:43:00.004-04:00

It is rainy and gloomy here today, which is providing an opportunity for us to catch our breath a bit from a busy weekend. My parents came in on Friday afternoon and met us at the annual neighborhood camp-out. Scheduled on the last day of school every year, the neighborhood association sponsors the camp-out on the soccer fields in the neighborhood, and it's a big party complete with games, food from local restaurants, a DJ, fire truck tours, and a "camp-in" movie projected on a big screen after dark. Families are encouraged to pitch a tent on the field and spend the night. We had a blast, and Casey & Rob braved the night in our tent (Casey reportedly slept like a rock, snoring all night in the tent). 76 families participated this year, making it a huge success.

We spent the rest of the weekend having a great visit with Nannie & Grandaddy. Riley showed off her newest tricks, which include bringing you a book, holding her arms up to be placed in your lap, and allowing you to read her two pages of the book before swinging her legs off your lap and taking her book to another lap. I'm not sure why she does this, but it usually takes 6 or 7 turns to get through a book, and it's pretty funny.

The only problem with starting summer off on such a high note is it leaves me trying to live up to it for the rest of the season. I've got a long 3 months ahead of me trying to come up with fun activities to occupy our time that compare to this past weekend - maybe I'll just put up the tent in the backyard, plug in the iPod, and let the kids paint each others' faces.

Every Last Scrap

2009-05-22T09:50:00.005-04:00

I recently hemmed a long linen dress and was left with close to half a yard of really nice material. I couldn't just chuck it, so I used it to make this little top for Riley. I also had just enough red linen left over from making myself a dress from Heather Ross' Weekend Sewing book to make her a little pair of capris to make it an outfit. I just winged it on the top - no pattern, and I adapted the Huck Finn pants pattern from Ross' book to make the capris. I was inspired by katie did's floral collar tutorial for the flowery accents on the top & pants. She wore it for the first time the other day and much to my surprise she left the flowers alone (I was sure she would relentlessly pull at them, and yet I was determined to sew them on anyway). It also felt good to make her something wearable from leftovers from other projects - I felt very efficient! Nothing like getting all dressed up to do a little yard work:

Making His Mother Proud

2009-05-21T16:02:00.002-04:00

Casey's last songfest was yesterday, and at the end he & his classmates sang a song about what they want to be when they grow up. At the end they each held up a sign declaring their career plans. After reading Casey's sign, sandwiched in next to future doctors and firemen, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry:

Watch out American Idol 2022!

My #1 Fan

2009-05-16T10:31:00.003-04:00

My Aunt Dot who lives in Georgia, is a loyal reader of my blog (so perhaps a better title for this post should be "My Only Fan", but anyway...) and has been since I started writing it. I know when I've gone too long between posts because my mom will tell me that Aunt Dot has mentioned that she's been checking every day and there hasn't been anything new in a while, and I take the hint and get on it. Really, this is the reason I write the blog. With 3 kids and our crazy schedules and ALL of our family living out of town, it is an easy way to stay in touch and share how the kids are doing and growing. Also, I'm too lazy to scrapbook, and so this is an easy way for ME to keep track of how the kids are growing and all the silly things that happen everyday. And if it gives our family out there a little chuckle now and then, that's a bonus.

I hope Aunt Dot has had a good chuckle recently, as she has been in and out of the hospital a few times in the past month. She is so thoughtful and sends sweet little gifts for the kids - the jackets the boys are wearing in the photo are from her. So, for Aunt Dot, we're thinking about you and sending you well wishes. Thanks for being my #1 fan.

Some Days

2009-05-11T09:52:00.004-04:00

Some days you have a little cold. Some days you can't take a nap and you're very tired and you don't feel well. Some days your brothers get to go outside and play, and all you can do is stay inside with your blanket and watch them. Some days are better than others.

Morning Coffee 3.0

2009-05-07T11:02:00.004-04:00

I've had a tough week here, both physically and creatively, and found myself in need of a serious pick-me-up. I headed over to Sur La Table armed with my gift card from my Mom's Club secret sister (thanks Lauren!) and went right to the coffee & tea department. I think it has been firmly established by this point my love for all things hot and caffeinated, and so I knew something from that section of the store would definitely fill the "pick-me-up" need. The lovely saleslady patiently discussed several products with me, and after a little thought I purchased a Bialetti Moka Express espresso maker and a can of LavAzza Italian espresso. These, combined with my handy-dandy mini milk frother, have made a near perfect latte for the past two mornings. I'm actually preferring my version to the one I usually order from Starbucks - I read that the Italian espresso is smoother and I have certainly found that to be true.

You may officially consider me "Picked-Up".

Cinco De Mayo

2009-05-05T14:02:00.004-04:00

I didn't take this photo today, as today we are all stuck inside battling the croup/seasonal allergies, but I thought that the image of the kids wearing flip-flops and eating popsicles was certainly festive enough to say "Happy Cinco De Mayo".

P.S. This was Shiny's first popsicle, and she devoured it like a pro. Nothing like a few older brothers to show you the ways of summer living!

What Are the Odds?

2009-05-04T17:19:00.003-04:00

50-1, apparently. As the horses were walking from the paddock to the track, we asked each of the kids to pick a horse as we read out the names. "The bird one" was Casey's pick, and at 50-1 odds we never thought he'd have anything to cheer for as they came down the stretch, but along with everyone else, we were shocked as Mine That Bird won the Kentucky Derby. We may have to plan ahead next year and have Casey make his pick in time for us to place an actual bet.

'Ol Blue Eyes

2009-05-04T16:54:00.003-04:00

My best friend had a baby last month, and I was lucky enough to visit him & take his photos when he was about two weeks old. I did do a little work on this photo, but I swear his eyes are really that blue - couldn't you just die??!! He is as sweet in person as he is in this photo, except when he's giving his mother fits at 3am.

It had been a little while since I'd had a newborn session, and I was reminded why I love them so much. At 2 weeks old, they pretty much stay in the pose you place them in, and when they are as beautiful as this little man it is almost impossible to take a bad photo. Plus, you don't have to worry about carrying candy in your pocket to try and bribe a smile out of them.

It Has Come to This

2009-04-29T13:48:00.003-04:00

Within the past few weeks Connor has figured out how to free himself from the confines of his backwards pajamas at night, and so I woke to find him "au natural" in his bed every morning last week. That also meant that I had to wash all his sheets, blankets, and animals every day last week. Yesterday morning was the final straw, and I pleaded with Rob to find some solution to this situation as there was a strong possibility that I would lose my tender grip on sanity if I had to do another load of pee-soaked bedding. And so, it has come to this. Duct tape. A quick google search of "what to do when child will not keep diaper on" resulted in many suggestions that we had already exhausted - backwards zipper PJs, pull-ups, snapped onesies, etc. Except for duct tape. So now before naps and bedtime, Connor gets his "special diaper tape" applied around the top of the diaper (please don't rush to call CPS, the tape is applied to the diaper only, we don't actually tape it to his body). This is truly our last solution, and so we can only hope that he outgrows this phase before he gets strong enough to pull the tape off. We may have just bought ourselves a few years of psychotherapy ("You see doc, it all began when they duct taped my diaper to me...") but at least we've also bought a few more weeks of sanity (and less laundry).

Swinging into Spring

2009-04-21T09:37:00.004-04:00

Although temps have dipped back into the 40s and the sky is grey again, we did enjoy some beautiful spring weather at the end of last week. It was the perfect opportunity for Riley to use her new swing. This swing was a long time coming - I wanted to buy one for Connor's first birthday but found they were gone from the stores in September and replaced with Christmas trees. I bought this one a few weeks ago for fear that I would miss the seasonal opportunity again, and she loves it! She especially loves it when her oldest brother is pushing her, as he was during this photo. My favorite part is how her little toes are all curled up in excitement. That is the sign of a successful purchase!