Chronic

I rarely stay up anymore for SNL, mainly because it hasn't been worth staying up for. I did catch last weekend's episode and this short film cracked me up.

Must Not Tackle Sister for her Clogs. Must Not Tackle...

(Audible sigh)...I am still lusting after these bronze Dansko clogs my sister bought when she was here for Thanksgiving. I am now seriously regretting not tackling her on the way out the door and yanking them off her feet. She's pretty scrappy, but I think I could have taken her.

Here Comes Santa Claus

Yesterday Casey made his first visit to see Santa. He wasn't quite sure what to make of Jolly Ol' St. Nick, and when Santa asked Casey if he'd like a truck for Christmas, Casey simply looked up at him as if to say, "Who the hell are you?". He wore the sweater I knit him for Christmas, and unfortunately was having a bit of a bad hair day as you can see most of his hair is standing straight up. He still managed a smile though, a testament to his good nature.

Feliz Naviblah

If you watch "My Name is Earl", you'll recognize the title of this post as a line from the Tuesday's show, but it quite accurately describes the Christmas spirit we are experiencing in the Alderman house.

First, let me just rant for a minute about a very disturbing show I watched on television the other night, "The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show". Nothing truly puts you in the spirit of the holidays like the giant dose of inadequacy and insecurity you experience after watching Brazillian supermodels waltz around a stage in their underpants. I saw somewhere that Heidi Klum did this show just six weeks after giving birth. I have been six weeks post-partum, and that is not what it looks like. My only conclusion is that Heidi Klum is an alien. The only model who looked even remotely like an average woman was Tyra Banks - you know, if the average woman was 9 feet tall. I still don't understand what this all had to do with Christmas, but I digress.

The issue that really has us feeling the Feliz Naviblahs around here is the Christmas tree. Anyone who has ever been over to our house at Christmas time has marveled at the size of the trees we hike out to Huber's and cut down, and you've probably heard me recount the stories of how Rob magically morphs into Clark Griswald when we get out to the tree farm. We were all excited and got all bundled up on Sunday and drove out to Indiana for our annual tree cutting extravaganza. We had built up all these images in our minds of carrying on this tradition with our kids and we just knew that this year Casey was going to have a blast helping us pick out and cut down the tree. Well, this year things went a bit differently...

So we get out to Huber's and it's like 12 below zero out there (much colder than expected) and so we freeze our rears off during the "hayride" out to the tree field. Then, the trees all appeared to have experienced "shrinkage" from the cold, because hardly any of them were over 5 feet tall. This is completely unacceptable for Clark - oh, I mean Rob. So we leave there empty handed and stop at another tree farm on the way home, but at this point Casey & I practically have frostbite and I refuse to get out of the car and continue the "hunt". Rob heads out into the farm on his own (big mistake) and calls fifteen minutes later proclaiming that the trees are amazing and he has found the perfect one. We haul it home, and he proceeds to whack 3 feet off the damn thing just to get it in the door. After much struggle, we get the monster in the stand and upright, and although it takes up a third of the living room, I have to admit that it is a beautifully shaped tree. We hang the lights and decorate it (which took me nearly two hours to do because the kind of tree he got had very soft needles and the ornaments kept sliding off). The Alderman's were ready for Christmas, right? Wrong. Yesterday morning I woke up to a note from Rob which read that he had found the tree laying on it's side when he came downstairs, and that he had it propped up against the wall and would get it back upright when he got home. I came downstairs, and there was water and pine needles all over the friggin' carpet. He comes home yesterday afternoon, and we spent 3 HOURS trying to get the tree to stand up straight. Finally, in an act of frustration and surrender, Rob heaved the tree over the deck rail and flung it into the backyard.

So now we are the proud owners of a very lovely artificial tree. I put it up and decorated it last night, and it certainly serves it's purpose, but I have to admit that I miss the giant tree that usually occupies that space. And I can tell that Rob is bummed out that his grand holiday tradition has been crushed, and he's really not very impressed with the new tree. We've decided that next year we'll still hike out to Huber's and cut down a much smaller tree and put it downstairs, so that way the tradition will remain intact, without the risk of one of us being crushed by falling timber in the living room.

"I'd be a dog, because they get to stay inside and get on the couch."

I should have added "My Name is Earl" to my list of favorite things. Aside from "Arrested Development", which appears to be all but defunct now, "Earl" is the only show on tv right now that makes me laugh out loud. The title of this post was Earl's response last night to his brother Randy's question, "If you could be any animal in the world, what would you be?". And why not a cat? As Earl explained, because he's allergic to cats and he wouldn't want to go around making himself sneeze all the time. Genius.

Maybe being from the South makes this show just a little funnier because I have known (and am possibly related to) some people who would actually do or say some of the things shown on "Earl". I hope this show sticks around for awhile, because it seems like the shows I really enjoy always seem to get cancelled too soon. And I love the theme of the show, that if you "Do good things and good things will happen to you. Do bad things and it will come back and bite you in the ass. " I'll leave off with some of my other favorite lines from the show:

"Never underestimate the power of confidence. And never underestimate fifteen beers, a little enlightenment, and the power of Rob Base and DJ Easy Rock. "

"Whether picking up trash, returning stolen merchandise, or helping a homosexual find love, it always has the same reward… feeling good about yourself. "

Joy - "There is nothing in the Bible that says people have a right to learn stuff. I have read it."

"Quittin' smokin' is kinda like going to prison. If you can get through the first three days, you got a fighting chance. First we tried the tapes, then we tried the patches. Someone told us to try carrot sticks as a subsitute, but we couldn't get the damn things to light. "

"To some people, a free beer might not mean too much. But for a guy who just lost his last 12 dollars and is stuffin' free nuts in his pocket,...it's a life saver."

And my all time favorite so far:

Earl: "Yah, but that dress has a stain on it." Joy: "It's OK, that's where I'm gonna' Bedazzle my initials!"

Casey's Favorite Thing

I couldn't add this pic to the previous post, but I thought an image of Casey enjoying his favorite blanket was in order.

Favorite Things

So, I have to admit upfront that I am a little late to the whole iPod craze. To be perfectly honest, I just didn't get what the big deal was and was perfectly content to keep on using my Sony minidisc player while working out. But recently I started to notice all the other folks in the gym with their teeny tiny iPods, and my minidisc player (all 12 ounces of it) started to feel like a dinosaur strapped to my arm. So when Mom & Dad offered to hand down one of their shuffles (Mom has upgraded to the iPod nano - I am being out-teched by my mother!) I jumped at the offer. I get it now. I loaded 3 hours worth of music onto the thing and its not even half full. No skipping, light as a feather and CD quality sound. Now I am drooling over the new iPod, although I readily admit that I have no idea when I would actually watch Season 1 of "Lost" on the damn thing, but I like the idea of being able to should the mood strike me.

Anyway, my newfound appreciation for all things "apple" and watching Oprah give away the new iPods on her annual "Favorite Things" show got me to thinking about current fads and what would be on my list of "Favorite Things" and what wouldn't make the cut. So here's my short list:

FIRST, THE STUPID:
Sudoku - If you've missed the boat on this one, allow me to fill you in. Sudoku is this ridicuolous logic puzzle in which the player must fill in a grid so that every row, every column, and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 through 9, but each number can only be used once in each row, column, and box. Rob brought me home a copy of one from the local newspaper and after fifteen minutes of hair-pulling and teeth-gnashing the puzzle found its crumpled ass in the trash. I saw a news piece on the Sudoku craze which said that there are people who fill all of their spare time working these puzzles. Now, I'll be the first to admit that logic puzzles are not my strong suit, especially those containing numbers, but give me a break. Can't we find something more useful to do with our spare time, people - like say, computer Solitare? Now that's a good old-fashioned fad I can get behind.

Brangelina - If I hear one more story about Brad Pitt, Angeline Jolie, and Jennifer Aniston I'm going lose my Thanksgiving appetite. I love a good gossip piece about celebrities as much as the next pop culture freak, but I've hit my limit on this one. Here's what I think: Brad Pitt is a aesthetically blessed man with limited personal hygene skills who probably farts at the dinner table. Angeline Jolie is a talented actress whose personal choices (marriage to Billy Bob Thornton, history of self-mutilation, brief stint as a lesbian) simply do not match the public persona she tries to display (UN goodwill ambassador, adopting mother, social activist), so we shouldn't be surprised that she would have some sort of inappropriate relationship with a married man while denying having done so while said man babysits her kids. So they're probably perfect for each other. Good luck, go away. As for Jennifer Aniston, I think she's a pretty hot babe who will have no trouble finding someone else to hang out with, and that since she has like 27 movies coming out this month she should probably take a vacation before we get tired of looking at her. Bottom line is they all have more money than sense.

NOW, THE GOOD:
The Braun Tassimo coffee maker - Spend $170 on a coffee maker that only brews one cup at a time? You betcha! Because it's not just a coffee maker. You can make tea, lattes, cappucinos, hot chocolate - all with the press of a button. No muss, no fuss. Me likey. By my calculations, if you bought 42.5 tall lattes from Starbucks in a year, then you could actually save money by brewing your own with the Tassimo. Of course, since I only purchase maybe 7 lattes a year then it seems a little silly for me to actually add one of these babies to my counter, but a girl can dream.

Rachael Ray and her 30 minute meals - OK, so with a new magazine, new cookbooks, and a new talk show all about to debut, our girl may be a little close to over-exposure land, but until she gets there I am her biggest fan. Cook a full Thanksgiving meal in 30 minutes? Yes, thank you. Only use 10 ingredients readily available at the local Kroger to cook a full dinner? Again, me likey. Who says you have spend all day sweating it out in the kitchen trying to figure out what the hell "brining the turkey" means? Not Rachael, and sure as hell not me. Plus, she's so damn happy all the time its hard to not like her.

So there's my list. And to finish things off, I thought I would discuss a fad that I love that never goes out of style. The blanket. Not those fancy cashmere "throws" Oprah likes to give away as one of her "Favorite Things", but the simple 32x34 version made out of anything that makes you happy and gets dragged through childhood as a loyal companion. Casey has two, a purple one and a green one, and he has one by his side at almost all times. Mine is blue and fuzzy and now scattered with holes, and I sleep with it every night as I have since I was born. Mom has lovingly made versions of these for the family and they are treasured. Rob carried one that apparently had to be frequently repaired by his mom until there was basically nothing left but a hankerchief. Ah, the unconditional love of a blanket. It may not brew a perfect cup of cappucino or adopt children from Cambodia, but it never lets you down. Now that's a favorite fad worth holding on to.

Photographic Evidence

In case anyone forgot, here's a pic of me as Princess Lea, Colleen's halo & wings, and Court draped in clear plastic with a roll at the bottom (and of course Ben in the background dressed as Spock, but that wasn't a costume). I may be fuzzy on some of the details, but I'm pretty sure her condom costume was the top prize winner at the Ball that year.

And a few more in case anyone forgot the drinking nun (Sister Mary Colleen) or "the road" or the Robert Palmer chics....

Halloween: Harmless Fun or Child Abuse?

Judging from the picture, you would probably choose the later of the two. Ah, but you would be wrong. Contrary to photographic evidence, Casey actually enjoyed his first official "trick or treating". He started out a little tentative when approaching houses, but by the end he was reaching into the candy bowl and grabbing his goodies like a pro. Although we never could get him to clearly say "trick or treat" he did manage his own version which sounded like "trickatrickatricka". He was the cutest monkey on the block.

Watching all of the little princesses and PowerRangers and witches and chickens (yes, there was an adorable little girl in a chicken costume) made me remember how much I used to love Halloween. Growing up it was my favorite holiday, and not just because of the free candy (although, let's be honest, free candy makes just about any occasion better). It was more about the costume, the chance to be anyone or anything else, even if just for a day. My friends and I would spend weeks planning our costumes, and with a stash of cardboard donated from my Dad, we would create our masterpieces. One year we were a pair of dice, another we were playing cards in the form of Blackjack (it's a wonder I didn't grow up to have a raging gambling addiction). There were of course the requisite years of being a hobo or a punk rocker, and those early teen years where we tried to get by with just putting on our PJ's and telling people we were disguised as babies (you remember those years when it was no longer "cool" to go trick or treating, but you secretly didn't want to give up the candy or the dressing up?). Even those years when the costume wasn't totally originally and well planned, it was still serious fun and I loved every minute. And yes Colleen, I certainly remember the Ball on the Belle when I was Princess Lea, you were an angel, and Courtney was a giant condom - the addition of massive quantities of alcohol taking the place of free candy certainly never did anything to diminish my affection for Halloween.

So I felt a little jealous watching all of our little neighborhood ghosts and goblins roaming the streets Monday night, and I've decided that next year I am getting back into costume. I may end up being the oldest fake punk rocker on the block, but who cares? Free candy and the freedom of being someone else for a day are calling my name.

Fall Pics of Casey

Here is a link to some recent pictures of the boy.

Peek A Boo

Perpetual Motion

Why haven’t I posted anything for a few weeks? What could possibly be keeping me from documenting all the fascinating minutia of daily life in the our household? I’ll tell you what – walking. Lots and lots of walking. Finally we are hearing the pitter pat of little feet around here. Casey started walking about four weeks ago and ever since he started walking we have all been on the run. Nothing and no one in his path is safe, most importantly himself. Once again, the dog is utterly freaked out.

Perhaps it is not the walking that has Ani so freaked out but his gait. He doesn’t so much walk as stumble around like a drunken midget. Watching him stagger around her house caused my friend Colleen to begin singing “What do you do with a drunken sailor?” It totally cracks me up. I love watching his little face light up with pride as he makes his way around the house, totally immersed in experiencing freedom for the first time.

While we have delighted in Casey’s latest milestone, it has also brought on some interesting personality changes in the boy. Apparently, learning to move around upright has awoken his little sense of independence, and he is asserting it whenever possible. For example, when you pry something dangerous (such as an electrical cord) from his surprisingly strong death grip, previous to walking his most common response was to give you a ear-to-ear grin and move on to shove something else sharp and hazardous into his mouth. Now, his response to the same situation is to fling himself on the ground, turn an alarming shade of bright red, and to begin yelling “Nyet!” at the top of his small lungs. “Nyet” is apparently Casey’s version of “no”, and it makes him sound like a very tiny but militant member of the Russian army when he screams it in your face.

So needless to say we have been in constant motion around here. Perpetual, loud, ever-changing, freeing, scary, and necessary motion. It seems that this is the very definition of our life now, and although it quite often leaves me feeling exhausted, it also fills me with a feeling of complete exhilaration. I suppose much like the feeling of learning to walk.

Fantasy Football

All is right again with the world. College football season has returned, and in the Alderman house we couldn’t be happier. College football here is not simply watched, but practiced as a religion. We can beach ourselves happily on the couch for endless hours on Saturday afternoons and watch any team at any level, just as long as they’re playing football. The University of Alaska at Juno vs. St. Mary’s Technical College – sure, we’ll watch that.

Of course, the preference is to watch the University of Tennessee (my team) or the University of Louisville (Rob’s team). Although we have a shared love of college football, the ways we love the sport are very different. I inherited my fanaticism from my father, which means I have a love/hate relationship with the Volunteers. I have been known to embarrass sailors with my vocabulary choices during a game, and win or lose I will comment vehemently that the coach should be run out of town for his pitiful game plan. Rob, on the other hand, is generally under the mistaken impression that he actually plays football for the Cards, and as a result has to have his rattled nerves calmed before kickoff. While I simply scream obscenities at the television in an effort to motivate the team to play better, Rob will utilize reverse psychology to promote smarter play. “Well”, he’ll say to nobody in particular when his team is only up by three touchdowns, “there’s no way they can win now. They are definitely going to lose. Yep, they’ve lost this one. Oh well, maybe next week.” Neither of us seems to understand that the team is most likely not telepathic and most likely not receiving any of the messages we are sending them from our living room. This is a pity, considering we are both strategic geniuses with masterful understandings of both offensive and defensive coordination. This is our version of fantasy football. We should be on their payrolls, really.

So football season is back. And after watching the tragedies of hurricane Katrina unfold last week, not a minute too soon. That kind of widespread devastation puts everything into perspective and reminds me that football is just a game. It’s just a game played by a bunch of kids, some of whom now have their parents living with them on campus because their family homes were destroyed. But just as we were starting to feel overwhelmed with helplessness, here came this silly game to provide a much needed escape. Not to mention an opportunity to practice yelling new and colorful insults at Tennessee’s coach and resuscitating my husband when Louisville turned the ball over on Kentucky’s 20 yard line. We just can’t wait till next weekend.

Let's Go For a Ride

On Friday afternoon, Casey & I met my friends David & Patrick for lunch at the Cycler’s Café (http://www.cyclerscafe.com/). If you haven’t been, it’s a very cool café housed inside a very cool bike shop – and I highly recommend the Seneca sandwich. Being around all those bikes and equipment made me very nostalgic for my triathlon days and for going on long rides with these guys. Anyway, I hadn’t seen either of them in awhile so it was really good to catch up with them. David has had a bit of a rough summer, to put it mildly. Earlier in the summer, he went into sudden cardiac arrest while in the hospital undergoing treatment for melanoma cancer, and as a result was fitted with his very own Pacemaker (anyone who knows Dave knows he likes new toys, but this took things to a new level). Most recently, on the way to receive treatment at UVA, his wife Cathy had to pull the car over and Dave ended up being life-flighted to UVA where one of his kidneys was removed, his adrenal gland was repaired, and a blood clot was fished out of his system. Whew. For a guy who has cheated death multiple times this summer, he looked great. Maybe a little thin, but that’s easily fixed. I always feel good after spending any amount of time with David. Even while being so sick, he is incredibly full of life and humor while being completely self-depreciating (he joked that we should hop in the car and go do the Chicago Tri this weekend, but that perhaps flinging himself into Lake Michigan at this point could be a potential loss of one of his 27 lives).

Patrick continues to keep himself busier that just about everyone I know. While busting his butt as a partner in his law firm, he’s up everyday at the crack of dawn to train for Ironman Wisconsin. I believe the race is in two weeks, and this is Patrick’s second brush with chosen insanity (he did Ironman Coeur d’Alene last year). I don’t know what is crazier – Patrick training for and running these races, or me feeling a little jealous while sitting there listening to him talk about them! I’d like to triathlons again someday, although I doubt I’ll ever achieve Patrick’s level of devotion and do an Ironman. However, I think half the fun of running the races was training with these guys, so unless they’re up for it in the future, then maybe I won’t be either. Anyway, I can’t wait for Patrick to get back with a new crop of photos and stories (the story of his luggage being “delayed” last year is priceless).

Best of luck to both of these guys as they round out their busy summers – Patrick with Ironman, David back to UVA for continued treatment. I think about them more than I see them, and hopefully someday soon things will slow down enough for all of us so that we can get together more often. Hell, maybe we’ll even get on our bikes and go for a ride.

I Am The Spatula King; I Can Do Anything

Casey is doing much better and it seems his "gastrointestinal issues" are on their way out. He continues to flirt with the concept of walking by taking little steps here and there, but as soon as he's realized he's done it he sits down. Meanwhile, I'm trying to just enjoy these crawling days. I know that he'll start walking in his own time, and then I wont be able to catch him...

This Would Be Funny If It Wasn't So True

Baby Girl Stann; Part III

Here is a pic of Colleen with her new baby, Elizabeth Marie, and her older two, Abby & Allison. How cute are they?

Well Brewed

I thought I’d offer an explanation of my blog’s title. Recently, I have become aware of the fact that I do not function properly until I’ve had a cup of morning coffee. I don’t know how this started. I suspect the most likely source of my need for am java is the desire to create a new ritual to replace sitting down at my desk in the office and logging on to check email. That was my morning ritual for five years, and perhaps when I quit work to stay home with my baby full-time I subconsciously had a need to develop a substitute routine. Or maybe I just finally joined the 90% of Americans who have an addiction to caffeine. I even have a favorite coffee mug (see photo) that I “borrowed” from a Courtyard by Marriott during one of my business trips. It’s the little things, really.

Anyway, I thought a blog would be a good way to keep in touch with family and friends who live far away, and I figured it would be easy for me to post occasionally, especially after I’ve had my morning coffee.

1001 Poopy Diapers

For the past week, Casey has been experiencing what we affectionately refer to as "loose stools" because diarhea seems so unseemly. As a result, it feels as though we have changed 1001 poopy diapers. The worst part is that there seems to be no cause, no cure, and most importantly, no end in sight. Yet another phase that arrived with no warning. I continue to wonder if all the other parents we know are secretly snickering behind our backs. And if I will do the same when it is my turn...