Alright With 35

Last year on my birthday, I set my camera up on the tripod and took a self portrait, and so I decided to make it a yearly tradition. So much has happened in the past year, it's hard for me to believe that it has only been a year since I took that photo with Riley. I keep referring to the past year as my "dog year", meaning that I feel like I have lived 7 years in the past one. There were terrible, awful moments in the past year, but there were also amazing, triumphant, inspirational moments. I learned so many things. I learned you never know what's around the corner. I learned how to wear a wig and which hats cover a bald head best. I learned to not leave Riley unattended near my makeup drawer. I learned that there was a life apart from cancer before it happened, and there will be a life apart from cancer now that it is gone. I learned there are no guarantees. There are women I met a year ago who are no longer here, and there are some still kicking it who according to their medical charts should not be. I learned how to really fight. I learned there is more love in this world than cynicism and hate. I learned to feel lucky simply because I'm here, and I'm a mother, and a daughter - because I'm a wife and a sister, and a good friend. I learned that instead of cursing because I'm only 35 and I've had cancer, to feel blessed to have been given these lessons at so young an age. I learned that there's alot of life out there, and I intend to live it all.

So I'm mildly panicked that I am now in my "mid-thirties", but that will pass. I look at that picture above of me, and I see someone I really like. She knows some stuff she didn't a year ago, but still has some learning to do. She makes mistakes and says "sorry" and keeps going. She loves and is loved. She needs to take better care of her skin and lay off the chocolate a bit, but she can still wear a mini skirt and high heels. She kinda' likes her hair short (and if she changes her mind she now knows how to rock a long wig). She's alright with 35.

Four

Things have been so busy here I haven't had a chance to post about #2 turning #4. We rented a giant bounce castle for the back yard, were blessed with beautiful weather, and much fun was had by all. And this boy turned 4. All my efforts to keep them from growing seem to be thwarted, as the years continue to pass. I find myself soaking up the moments in the morning when he crawls into bed and snuggles, when he says, "You are my most favorite Momma", when he tells me I look "bootiful". I tell myself, "He's already four!".

I also try to breathe through the moments when he tells me, "You are the worst Mommy in the world!", when he hits his little sister, when he flings himself on the ground after being told "no". I tell myself, "He's only four!".

Back Again

Connor & Riley started preschool last week. Connor is a big man on campus this year in the pre-k class, and Riley continues the family tradition of attending the 2's class with Ms. Sylvia. Even though these two are the closest in age out of the three kids, they aren't terribly close (perhaps Riley still remembers how he welcomed her home from the hospital) so this photo just kills me. And when I dropped them off, Riley practically jumped out of the van without a single tear (also an Alderman child tradition) and Connor cried out, "Wait, I'm supposed to hold her hand!" They had a terrific first day, even though Riley insisted on calling Ms. Sylvia "Grandma" and even though Connor gave me a minor heart attack when he grabbed my keys and went out to the garage and started the van while I was getting Riley ready to go. I loved his enthusiasm, but I'm now storing my keys in a higher location.

Last Gasp

I feel like Labor Day weekend is the last gasp of summer around here. The neighborhood pool closes, preschoolers head back to school, and days get noticeably shorter. There will be fewer ice cream faces on the back patio.

We gathered with neighbors in the back yard for maybe the last fire pit of the summer, and the kids ate s'mores and danced around the fire. Even the mosquitoes seem to know summer is ending, as even with a heavy armor of bug spray we were all devoured by the devils. They fed on us like it was their last meal . Casey said, "I'm ready for winter because there are no moquitoes!"

On one hand, I look forward to fall. I love fall. I love the colors, the crisp weather, new boots, chili on Sunday afternoons -all of it. But on the other hand, I know that winter is right on our heels, and that means the inevitable 4 month hibernation that occurs up here. Maybe this year, in the absence of surgeries and low white cell counts, maybe we'll venture out a little more during the cold. Perhaps replace the fire pit with a fireplace? I'll have to work on that. In the meantime, I am also reminded that the change of seasons isn't all bad. At least football is back.