Off To The Races (Maybe)

Photo courtesy Churchill Downs

Last year my girlfriends nominated me to walk in the Survivor's Parade at the Kentucky Oaks, which for those who don't know is the filly race the day before Derby. The Oaks is now a huge fund and awareness raiser for breast cancer, and it was an honor and a thrill to be a part of it. I was right in the middle of chemo, and not particularly feeling my best. It was such an incredible boost to meet other women who were 5, 10, 15, even 40 year survivors - to see some tangible examples of how life would go on after cancer. I met women who had gone on to have more children, whose hair had come back, who went on to have remarkable achievements with cancer in their rearview mirror. I'm hopeful that maybe I can be that little boost to someone else this year. Where do you come in? Easy - just follow the link below and vote for me. Simple.

http://www.kentuckyderby.com/oaks/survivors/jennifer-carmel-indiana-0

Pass the word to anyone who might take a minute or two to vote for me - you'll be helping me and maybe someone else we haven't met yet.

Two Steps Forward, Three Poops Back

I happened to click on the photobooth in my laptop the other day and came across this photo I took of myself last year:

I think the intent was to send it to my girlfriends to wish them a happy St. Patrick's Day, but the details of that time period are a bit fuzzy (massive quantities of pharmaceuticals will do that to a brain). St. Patrick's Day was a big holiday for us girls and was generally spent either working at the local Irish pub for spring break money or consuming massive quantities of green beer. The t-shirt I'm wearing in the photo is actually a hold-over from back then - it was either a freebie or uniform from the bar, but the details of that time period are a bit fuzzy (green beer will do that to a brain). I laughed out loud when I saw the photo, mainly because I look hilarious bald. But it also reminded me that I am in such a different place this year than last. It happens like that - I totally forget where I was and what I was doing just a year ago and then something will sneak up on me and I'll have a visceral memory. The taste in my mouth during chemo, the funny smell I couldn't get out of my nose, the weird buzz in my head I couldn't shake. 

For the most part I'm in full time Mom-mode, chasing after the kids and plugging away at my photography business. And the number one item on my priority list right now is potty training Riley. I was really hoping that we would wake up one morning and she would just decide to do it and that would be it. Not so much. We'll have a couple of good days and I'll start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and then she'll go right back to pooping her pants. The other day I thought to myself, "I have a college degree and I am now spending my days following a small person around the house while constantly asking her if she needs to poop." I feel very much like we have come so far in the past year, and yet are still hovering in that place of daily struggle. So, you know, two steps forward, three poops back. Just as it should be. 

Remember this? We always assumed Connor inherited his crazy thick hair with crazy cowlicks from Rob, since (contrary to current conditions) Rob also had crazy thick hair as a kid. But now, well evidence suggests that maybe it came from me.

My hair has grown back in crazy thick with all kinds of crazy cowlicks.  All these years I've had thick wavy hair lying dormant under my skull while I fought my super fine stick straight tresses! I had heard from lots of sources that after chemo your hair could come back in totally different than before, but I didn't really believe that would happen to me because my hair had always been so STRAIGHT and so THIN. And as I've suspected for all these years, those of you with thick hair do have it better! It is so much easier to style, even with the weird cowlicks. And another added bonus is that I can run my fingers through it and instantly do a mean Charlie Sheen impression - WINNING!! I'm also still enjoying having it short, although the males in the house would prefer that I grow it back out long, and soon. What is it with guys and long hair? It must be encoded in the DNA because even my 4 year old prefers it long. I've also heard that as your hair continues to grow out it will eventually return to it's original texture, so I've decided to enjoy wearing it short & funky while I can. And even on a bad hair do, I remind myself that it is WAY better than a no-hair day.