Guess What I'm Getting Tomorrow?

Hee, hee. Of course, mine will not be so... voluptuous, but they will be brand new and all mine. Tomorrow is "Ta-Ta Thursday", where the expanders that were placed in my first surgery will be removed and replaced with the permanent implants. I am very excited. I have been assured that compared to the first surgery this will be a cakewalk, and I will even be sent home tomorrow afternoon.

Hef, I'll be waiting for your call for that "Miss October" gig. Hee, hee...

I'm Mad as Hell and I'm Not Gonna' Take it Anymore!

Garden Party Crasher

This is what I call my "Rectangle of Tranquility":

It is my little garden, containing a few tomato plants, some pole beans, squash, zucchini, green peppers, and assorted herbs. It's not much, but it keeps me happy and busy weeding and watching. I really think gardening is as effective as therapy, with the added bonus of having something to eat for all your efforts. So you can imagine my frustration when I found that my rectangle of tranquility had been invaded:

Even with the chicken wire fence, a generous dose of red pepper flakes applied to the base of plants, and mint plants scattered throughout (which are supposed to deter rodents and rabbits) something still managed to get in and attack the first almost ripe grape tomato. And didn't even have the decency to finish it! I am researching no-kill traps and seriously considering my grandfather's method of pest control - catch them and them drive them out to the middle of nowhere and let them go. Either that our I'm buying an air rifle and going Bill Murray in "Caddyshack" on them ("License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote."). Casey thinks we should set up a video camera out there to catch the culprit, but he hasn't quite thought through who would man the camera and what exactly we would do once we caught said culprit on video. 


See, I have finally conquered my fear of water-bath canning, and I have big plans to put up as much of my garden's fruits as I can, so this thief is really stealing food from children. It should be ashamed of itself. I've made strawberry preserves and pickles, and am anxiously waiting for tomatoes to come in so I can make sauces and salsa.

So if anyone has any new suggestions on how to keep my garden party crasher out, I'm open. I'm not taking this lightly. I will not stand by and let my rectangle of tranquility be violated! 




P.S. Thanks for all the kind words about Ani. I think we're healing a little everyday, and hearing from others who have been through this helps so much. Thank you.

Our Sweet Girl

We said a very sad goodbye to our sweet girl on Tuesday morning. Ani was 13 years old, and as I explained to the kids, that is almost 100 in dog years, which is very old. I tried to explain to them that she worked so hard all those years to take care of us and love us that her little body just wore out, and she had to go on to a place where she could keep doing her job. I told them that we were so lucky to have her for as long as we did, and that we would always love her and keep her in a special place in our hearts. I told them all these things, and really, I was telling myself as well. Saying goodbye to her was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and my heart is so heavy with grief it hurts. I keep expecting to hear the clicking of her nails on the floors (which used to drive me crazy at 6 am!). I keep going to the back door to let her out, I keep looking for her in her special shady place in the yard. But she is gone, and we miss her terribly.

I had to answer so many hard questions from the kids. How was she getting to heaven? Was she going to be an angel? Why did Jesus come back after 3 days but she doesn't get to (from Casey, which left me gape-jawed and unable to speak for several minutes)? Rob & I have done our best to answer their questions in reassuring and calming ways, but inside we are both asking the same questions. Why couldn't she just live forever with us, resting her head on our laps and blessing us with her sweet grace? I don't know.

She was there for everything - everything. The night we got engaged. The morning we found out we were going to have a baby. Every birthday, every graduation, every Christmas. I can count on one hand the number of times she was aggressive in her whole 13 years, but by and large she was patient, and kind, and generous. She was love. 

                             

When one of his band members died last year, Dave Matthews said, "It is always easier to leave than be left," and we, all of us in our extended family and friends who loved Ani, are certainly feeling the truth in that this week. I know that in time we will heal, but I will always miss my sweet, sweet girl. 

Eleven

Wanna pack your bags, Something small
Take what you need and we disappear
Without a trace we'll be gone, gone
The moon and the stars can follow the car
and then when we get to the ocean
We gonna take a boat to the end of the world
All the way to the end of the world

Oh, and when the kids are old enough
We're gonna teach them to fly

You and me together, we could do anything, Baby
You and me together yes, yes

You & Me, Dave Matthews Band

Last Call

Finally, finally, finally I received my last chemo treatment today. My last cocktail hour at the Springmill Oncology Clinic, and I couldn't be happier. It is a bit of a mix of emotions right now, but mostly relief. I feel like an 800 pound gorilla is off my back. 

I have always told Rob that if I ever own a bar I will play "Closing Time" by Semisonic every night at last call, and my own personal "last call" today got me thinking about that song.

Closing time - time for you to go out, go out into the world.
Closing time - turn the lights up over every boy and every girl.
Closing time - one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer.
Closing time - you don't have to go home but you can't stay here.

I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - time for you to go back to the places you will be from.
Closing time - this room won't be open 'til your brothers or you sisters
come.
So gather up your jackets, and move it to the exits - I hope you have found
a
friend.
Closing time - every new beginning comes from some other beginning'send.

Yeah, I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - time for you to go back to the places you will be from...

I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end... 

How appropriate. Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. I'm ready.

Me, Meself, and Me

"I do it meself!" I hear that phrase about 100 times a day. Riley has become Miss Independent, entering that precarious toddler stage of wanted to do everything on her own. It's a tough one, because you walk a fine line between letting her do things by herself so she can learn and trying to be patient and encouraging and losing your ever-loving mind because it is taking you 45 minutes to let her buckle her own car seat in the parking lot of Target. But just when you think you've reached the point of zero-tolerance, she'll thrust her little fist up at you and simply say, "Hand!" and want you to help her across the street. It just melts my heart.

And just as I suspected, the trend is catching on.

My counts were too low on Tuesday to get chemo, but I returned this morning and luckily was able to receive treatment, so everyone keep your fingers crossed that everything goes well and I receive my last round next week.