We said a very sad goodbye to our sweet girl on Tuesday morning. Ani was 13 years old, and as I explained to the kids, that is almost 100 in dog years, which is very old. I tried to explain to them that she worked so hard all those years to take care of us and love us that her little body just wore out, and she had to go on to a place where she could keep doing her job. I told them that we were so lucky to have her for as long as we did, and that we would always love her and keep her in a special place in our hearts. I told them all these things, and really, I was telling myself as well. Saying goodbye to her was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and my heart is so heavy with grief it hurts. I keep expecting to hear the clicking of her nails on the floors (which used to drive me crazy at 6 am!). I keep going to the back door to let her out, I keep looking for her in her special shady place in the yard. But she is gone, and we miss her terribly.
I had to answer so many hard questions from the kids. How was she getting to heaven? Was she going to be an angel? Why did Jesus come back after 3 days but she doesn't get to (from Casey, which left me gape-jawed and unable to speak for several minutes)? Rob & I have done our best to answer their questions in reassuring and calming ways, but inside we are both asking the same questions. Why couldn't she just live forever with us, resting her head on our laps and blessing us with her sweet grace? I don't know.
She was there for everything - everything. The night we got engaged. The morning we found out we were going to have a baby. Every birthday, every graduation, every Christmas. I can count on one hand the number of times she was aggressive in her whole 13 years, but by and large she was patient, and kind, and generous. She was love.
When one of his band members died last year, Dave Matthews said, "It is always easier to leave than be left," and we, all of us in our extended family and friends who loved Ani, are certainly feeling the truth in that this week. I know that in time we will heal, but I will always miss my sweet, sweet girl.
2 comments:
I certainly loved that sweet girl too! Many a night was spent cuddling with her on the couch at Kelly Way. You are all in my thoughts daily!
So sorry for your loss, Jen! I felt so bad when I walked the boys home....I didn't know what to say. I also knew you had your work cut out for you in trying to explain such a tough subject to your kids who are so young. It's a tough subject no matter how old you are, though. Hang in there!
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