Decisions and Disappointment

No pun intended, but if you're an Indianapolis Colts fan, you've probably been feeling blue for the past two days. Or, if you're like me, you've been cursing a blue streak every time you think about the Colts management pulling the starters in the third quarter and cheating the players and fans of becoming a part of football history. I've watched this group of guys tough it out and win games this season based on sheer will; watched them play through injury and adversity to somehow win every game, and honestly I've found them inspirational. As far as I could tell, they were on course to replace the '72 Dolphins in football mythology - to become kings among kings. And then... their bosses quit on them. You could see it on the faces of Reggie Wayne, Dallas Clark, and certainly Mr. Manning as they watched a team of untested back-ups fail to hold a five point lead and allow their undefeated season to slip away. I've read all the justifications - resting the starters for the play-offs, that undefeated was never the goal, that this team's main obligation to their fans is to bring them a championship, blah, blah, blah. I don't like it, I don't agree with it, I don't understand it.

But Coach Jim Caldwell made a statement yesterday that almost made me empathize with him (almost being the operative word there). He said, "Once you make a decision, you have to live with it." Right now, I'm waiting on the results of a test that will give more information about my cancer and the likelihood that I will experience a recurrence of the cancer. This is supposed to help us make a more informed decision about whether or not to do chemotherapy, and the results may come back providing definitive evidence one way or the other, but more than likely not, and I will have the make the decision myself. I've done lots of reading trying to educate myself as best as I can. I've made a list of pros and cons. I've tried to approach it from every angle to try and ensure that I have completely thought everything through. Ultimately though, it may come to this: I will make a decision, and I will live with it. The people who know and love me will have to accept my decision, and they too will have to live with it. I know there is a significant difference between a football game and cancer, but I can't help but draw a comparison.

So I'm inclined to cut the men upstairs a little slack (little being the operative word there). Maybe they know something we don't (maybe they know alot of somethings we don't). Maybe they approached it from every angle to try and ensure they thought it completely through. Maybe they even had a list of pros and cons. And having watched these Colts grit it out and win some heart attack close games, I feel pretty confident that they have the mental fortitude to get past this disapointment and get on with winning. As a fan, I don't have to agree with Sunday's decision or like it, but ultimately I do understand that sometimes in life, you make a decision, and you live with it.