If I Need to Smile (or Dance)

I watch this video. My love for JT is well-known, and when you add Jimmy Fallon to the mix doing hip-hop it's a great big 'ol cute sandwich. Terri F., if you're out there, I think of you when they get to the DMX portion. I also love the guy at about 5:45 rocking a neck brace.

Current Obsession

Occasionally my mind gets fixated on an object, kinda' like a scratched CD that keeps skipping. And like the scratched CD that you continue to tolerate because you love the song, I allow the fixation to fester because there is something satisfying about it. Weird, I know. Most often the objects of my obsessive fascination are of the fashion variety, but they can often be pieces of furniture, houses, craft supplies, you name it. This week I am haunted by this dress:

WTF? Where would I wear a leather dress? In the carpool lane at preschool?? I don't know, but I can't stop looking at it.

A Little Prayer

I've written several times in years past about our love for the Indiana State Fair, and yesterday morning we debated about catching the fair train again and going for the day, but decided to try and go today instead. Last night a tragic accident happened during one of the fair concerts, and 5 people lost their lives and many others were seriously injured. I've been saying some little prayers all day for those people and their families, and also for the people who work so hard every year to organize the fair.

I Feel Your Pain, Man

A year after reconstruction surgery and I'm still having these conversations, albeit with surgeons and nurses not strangers.

Oops, I Did it Again

I did it again. I fell off the face of blogger-earth and left the blog to collect cobwebs for a few months. My apologies. A good friend called the other day after noticing my absence here and on facebook and wanted to make sure I'm still here. Which I am. Again, every so often I find myself so busy living life that I don't make the time to write about it, and I actually think that's a pretty normal and healthy thing. But if you enjoy reading about my children pooping in random places and other adventures of the Alderman gang, then I guess no posts for several months can get pretty annoying. Or perhaps I've just been driving around the Whole Foods parking lot looking for a space for the past four months.





What has kept me away from the keyboard? A little of this:

OAR concert at White River, one of several shows we've caught this summer

There was ALOT of planning and packing and traveling and walking and magic enjoying involved with this:

Our first family trip to Disney in June

And then there has been a little of this tossed in:

This is our house. Now its for sale. Please consider buying it. 

We decided to put our house on the market because we found another house that we like, and we have been subsequently bit by the new house bug, and now I'm trying to keep this place clean all the time while the kids simultaneously try to destroy it.

So, yes. We've had a little going on around here. But I'm going to try to get back to being a little more consistent here, because in all honesty, I miss it too. I like documenting all the little funny things as well as the big crazy things that happen to our family. But just to give a heads-up, I have to run to Whole Foods tomorrow, so it may be another four months before I get back here.

Springing

This has been the longest winter EVER. I know I say that every year, but I'm sitting at the end of another long week with temperatures in the 40s & 50s and gray skies every day, and I'm beginning to wonder if spring will ever get here. Maybe we'll be skipping spring this year and moving right on into summer, which I hate but if it means I can park my Uggs in the closet for 5 months then I'm in. I've even created a new verb for my spring fever, "springing", which is the act of spending endless amounts of time pouring over the internet and magazines looking at brightly colored lawn furniture, margarita recipes, and garden designs. For instance, if our city ordinances would allow it, I would order one of these:

That's right. It's a little egg shaped chicken coop where I could cultivate my own little flock for fresh eggs. These are not the thoughts of someone who is getting enough Vitamin D in her life. 

The Curious Case of Batey the Fish

A few weeks ago Rob made a horrible discovery in Casey's room at bedtime. The boys' beloved fish, Batey, was dead. Batey was the class fish at Connor's preschool last year, and at the end of the year he won Batey in a drawing. So as far as beta fish go, Batey had a pretty good run there. I knew immediately that I did not want the boys to know that Batey had headed off to the big aquarium in the sky, and so I told Rob I would hit the pet store and find an identical fish to replace Batey. The boys took Ani's death really hard, and I just couldn't stomach having that talk again. You might not think the death of a fish would be a big deal, but they are VERY attached to this fish. So I figured I'd just slip a replacement in there without anyone noticing and we'd be all good. Right? Right - as long as the fish I chose was very close in appearance to Batey. I guess I never really studied the original fish all that closely, because the replacement fish is about twice as big as Batey I, and almost a completely different color. After checking out Batey II Rob asked if I even looked at the fish before I bought it. "It looks just like him, right?" I replied. "No," Rob said between laughs, "Not even close." Oh well I concluded, the kids will never notice. Um, yes, yes they will notice. Casey came running in to my room the morning after I made the switch, "Mom! Mom! Come look at Batey! He's GROWN! LIKE ALOT!!!" Both boys were amazed at how the fish had doubled in size overnight. "How did that happen?" they asked. "Well," I explained, "you know how you have grown from last year to this year? It's the same for Batey. He's just growing up." Thank God they totally bought it. Of course now there is some concern that he will outgrow his tank and then we'll have to keep him in the bathtub, but I told them we'd cross that river if it happens.

We're still working hard on potty training Riley, and part of convincing her that she is a "big girl" who needs to use the potty instead of diapers is allowing her to pick out her clothes and dress herself. Which is great, except the results are often like this:

This morning's outfit consisted of brown tights, two bathing suits, a long sleeve t-shirt, and Elmo slippers. Fetching, eh? It reminded me of this. The irony of this photo is that she's standing there watching Elmo's Potty Time video and moments later she pooped her pants. But she looked good doing it, right?

Off To The Races (Maybe)

Photo courtesy Churchill Downs

Last year my girlfriends nominated me to walk in the Survivor's Parade at the Kentucky Oaks, which for those who don't know is the filly race the day before Derby. The Oaks is now a huge fund and awareness raiser for breast cancer, and it was an honor and a thrill to be a part of it. I was right in the middle of chemo, and not particularly feeling my best. It was such an incredible boost to meet other women who were 5, 10, 15, even 40 year survivors - to see some tangible examples of how life would go on after cancer. I met women who had gone on to have more children, whose hair had come back, who went on to have remarkable achievements with cancer in their rearview mirror. I'm hopeful that maybe I can be that little boost to someone else this year. Where do you come in? Easy - just follow the link below and vote for me. Simple.

http://www.kentuckyderby.com/oaks/survivors/jennifer-carmel-indiana-0

Pass the word to anyone who might take a minute or two to vote for me - you'll be helping me and maybe someone else we haven't met yet.

Two Steps Forward, Three Poops Back

I happened to click on the photobooth in my laptop the other day and came across this photo I took of myself last year:

I think the intent was to send it to my girlfriends to wish them a happy St. Patrick's Day, but the details of that time period are a bit fuzzy (massive quantities of pharmaceuticals will do that to a brain). St. Patrick's Day was a big holiday for us girls and was generally spent either working at the local Irish pub for spring break money or consuming massive quantities of green beer. The t-shirt I'm wearing in the photo is actually a hold-over from back then - it was either a freebie or uniform from the bar, but the details of that time period are a bit fuzzy (green beer will do that to a brain). I laughed out loud when I saw the photo, mainly because I look hilarious bald. But it also reminded me that I am in such a different place this year than last. It happens like that - I totally forget where I was and what I was doing just a year ago and then something will sneak up on me and I'll have a visceral memory. The taste in my mouth during chemo, the funny smell I couldn't get out of my nose, the weird buzz in my head I couldn't shake. 

For the most part I'm in full time Mom-mode, chasing after the kids and plugging away at my photography business. And the number one item on my priority list right now is potty training Riley. I was really hoping that we would wake up one morning and she would just decide to do it and that would be it. Not so much. We'll have a couple of good days and I'll start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and then she'll go right back to pooping her pants. The other day I thought to myself, "I have a college degree and I am now spending my days following a small person around the house while constantly asking her if she needs to poop." I feel very much like we have come so far in the past year, and yet are still hovering in that place of daily struggle. So, you know, two steps forward, three poops back. Just as it should be. 

Remember this? We always assumed Connor inherited his crazy thick hair with crazy cowlicks from Rob, since (contrary to current conditions) Rob also had crazy thick hair as a kid. But now, well evidence suggests that maybe it came from me.

My hair has grown back in crazy thick with all kinds of crazy cowlicks.  All these years I've had thick wavy hair lying dormant under my skull while I fought my super fine stick straight tresses! I had heard from lots of sources that after chemo your hair could come back in totally different than before, but I didn't really believe that would happen to me because my hair had always been so STRAIGHT and so THIN. And as I've suspected for all these years, those of you with thick hair do have it better! It is so much easier to style, even with the weird cowlicks. And another added bonus is that I can run my fingers through it and instantly do a mean Charlie Sheen impression - WINNING!! I'm also still enjoying having it short, although the males in the house would prefer that I grow it back out long, and soon. What is it with guys and long hair? It must be encoded in the DNA because even my 4 year old prefers it long. I've also heard that as your hair continues to grow out it will eventually return to it's original texture, so I've decided to enjoy wearing it short & funky while I can. And even on a bad hair do, I remind myself that it is WAY better than a no-hair day.

Sucker Love

Just popping in to quickly share the kids' valentines for this year. I decided to make them, and a few weeks ago was able to get the kids to stand still long enough to snap a few photos. I ordered 4x6 copies, and using an exacto knife, I cut slits just above and below their hands and then we slid in suckers. Voila - personalized valentines! 

Happy 3th Birthday

Baby Shiny had her 3rd (or 3th, as Casey said) birthday yesterday. We had a little party for her over the weekend, and her very girly behavior was on full display. I don't know why I keep expecting her to act like the boys, but for some reason I am continually surprised and tickled by the very feminine things she does. Like wearing clip on dangly earrings and a princess ball skirt for the entirety of her party.

Cracks me up. She wanted a Dora the Explorer party, so I made Dora cupcakes, which only really resembled Dora if you were standing 10 feet away and squinting. At least the kids recognized her, and Riley was happy.

Last night it was pizza and more cake, and today I took cake pops into her class for a birthday treat. 

Mmm...cake pops!

What is she like at 3? Well, she's very funny - when asked how old she was turning this birthday her standard response was, "I'm the birthday girl!" and she even treated us last night to a special song & dance she made up about being the birthday girl. She's very sweet - when someone would wish her a happy birthday, she would respond, "Happy Birthday to you." She's at that strange crossroad of early childhood - no longer a baby but not really a big kid either. She wants to do so many things herself, but will still crawl up into my arms and say, "I'm your baby, Mama!" She loves her brothers and thinks (most) everything they do is great, and they (mostly) feel the same about her. And her parents? We continue to be smitten by her. At least once a day I look at her and feel a rush of gratitude that I got to be her Mom, and that I somehow was lucky enough to parent both boys and a girl. I wish I could freeze time right now and keep her at this age, but then again that seems to be how I have felt about all her ages, so I guess I'll have to let her keep growing. Who knows what she will surprise and delight us with before her 4rd birthday. 

Ice Ice Baby

Last week we were trapped in the house for almost the entire week due to an ice & snow storm. It was BIZARRE. Ice built up almost a foot in front of my garage door so that Friday I had to take a pick ax and chip away at it so I could get the van out of the garage. BIZARRE. Neighborhood kids were ice skating not just in the streets, but in front yards as well. BIZARRE. But in a strange kind of way, it was also nice. School was cancelled, obviously, and in a first, Rob was stuck at home with us. I pulled out the craft box and we proceeded to make messes to stay occupied.

Connor working on his Dinosaur Dig kit

Riley cutting paper into a thousand microscopic pieces

We stayed in our PJs all day. We snuggled and watched movies and braced ourselves for the potential that we would lose power, which thankfully we never did. But a week was enough. The temperature is supposed to dip down to -5 tonight, and hover somewhere around -2 or -3 degrees in the morning when Casey gets on the bus. I am now in full-blown spring fever and if warmer weather doesn't blow in sometime soon, there is a strong possibility that I will lose my mind. I bought a bottle of wine simply because it has a pair of flip-flops on the label. It's bad folks. 

Random Resolutions

Whew. I'm pooped. How 'bout you? I dearly love Christmas and the holiday season, but it is exhausting.  I'm always a little sad to say goodbye to the magic and sparkle of Christmas, but also a little relieved that it is all over and I don't have to do it again for another year. We had a strange weather pattern blow in last week bringing 60 degree temperatures with it, and now that we're back in the 30s I'm seriously jonesing for warmer weather. I'm done with you now, Winter. We've made a giant snowman and gone sledding and used the fireplace and all that good stuff. I'd like to put my shorts and flip flops back on now, thankyouverymuch.

We really had a great Christmas, and I truly did enjoy my kids. On Christmas morning they were hilarious and sweet at the same time. This year I started a new tradition by taking them to the dollar store and allowing them to pick out one gift for each of their siblings. I had to help Riley a bit, but the boys managed it on their own. The best was Connor's choice of a package of glow stick bracelets for Casey, and Casey's attempt to disguise his disappointment when he opened them ("Um, thank you?"). I probably enjoyed the whole exercise more than they did, but that's OK. 

So it's back to reality here - back to work and school and schedules. I don't really do New Year's resolutions, but I did make a pact of sorts with Rob to get back to exercising regularly, but after getting up with him at 6am this morning I'm seriously reconsidering my part of the agreement. And I did resolve to try and get back to posting more regularly, so I'll try my best to stick with it. I don't mind saying that I was happy to have 2010 in my rearview mirror, and I'm hoping that 2011 contains more posts about the random events in our daily lives, and fewer posts about my health. I guess that's more of a wish than a resolution, but one I'm excited about nonetheless. 

Getting in the Spirit

The tree is up and decorated, there are presents wrapped and waiting underneath, and Christmas cards went out this week. So we're definitely getting in the spirit around here. Including making a little holiday music:

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

I'm also mildly obsessed with the music Target is using in their holiday commercials this year, and if you are too you can go to Target's website and download them for free. I'm pretty sure "Toy Jackpot" by Blackalicious is destined to become a holiday classic ("Is it time yet? Is it time yet?")

And on the agenda for this weekend are photos with Santa, so I've been checking out Creepy Santa to know what to watch out for. Yikes!

I've had the chance to photograph some really beautiful families this year, which is why it gives me particular pleasure to look at really bad family photos. I would definitely steer a family away from this tropical disaster, unless they were intentionally trying to be tacky. If that was the case, I'd say "Bring it ON!"I may have just found inspiration for next year's card:

Wow. The seventies truly were a cruel decade. Anyway, go ahead and pour a tall glass of eggnog, fire up "Toy Jackpot" on the iPod, and laugh at other's Christmas misery. It's the most wonderful time of the year, right? Unless your mom forced you to wear a Hawaiian shirt for your Olan Mills Christmas photo. 

Just a Couple of Ho-Hos

Things are slowing down just a bit around here, and most of my work for fall clients has been completed. I'm so thankful for all the work, but I'm also thankful to be able to shift my focus just a bit to Christmas. The kids are "ate-up" with Christmas fever, and I know this year is going to be a blast. They are all old enough to be aware of the true meaning of Christmas, and still young enough to get completely caught up in the magic of Santa, presents, glittering trees, and all the rest. Riley refers to Santa as "The Ho-Ho Man", and as we were putting the tree up she plopped a Santa hat on my head to match the one she was already wearing and announced, "Look Mom! We're a couple of Ho-Ho's!". I thought Rob was going to wet himself from laughter. 

Temperatures have been frigid here, and we even got our first snowfall over the weekend. Just a few inches, but enough for the kids to get out and play in, and even take a few reps down the neighborhood sledding hill. I love the stand at the back door and watch them in the backyard while I stay dry and warm inside, and I'm reminded again of the mysteries of childhood when I have the beg them to come inside before they get frostbitten. "Aren't you freezing?" I'll ask the boys, and they typically respond that they're having too much fun to notice the cold. I've decided to adopt that attitude towards the holidays - I'm going to be too busy having fun to notice the stress.

On a unrelated note, it's hard to believe, but today is the one year anniversary of my big surgery. When I thought of it this morning, I was reminded of how much can happen and change in a year, and how quickly our minds and souls allow us to move beyond pain and sadness to a new place. A place of happiness and joy, where the pain and sadness is a distant, foggy memory. A place where you're too busy having fun to notice the still fresh scars, the random ache, the painful memory. A place I'm very happy to occupy right now.

Life is Good

I've received several threatening messages from my Dad about my lapse in updating the blog lately, so out of obligation (and a little fear), here I am. I've been busy. Not a little busy, but alot busy. Rob's schedule has been nuts, the kids have all had different events going on, and my photography business has been amazingly jam-packed this fall. This is my view on most afternoons when I can steal a moment of silence:

Two computers, one cup of coffee, pen tablet, and hundreds of images to edit. Add to all this Halloween,

and another small reconstruction surgery, and my October calendar looked like a pen exploded on it. But aside from being busy, we've also been very good. The kids have all settled into a routine with school, and we even managed to sneak in a quick weekend trip with friends to Lake Michigan where we were treated to beautiful weather and lots of spontaneous fun.

Life seems to be moving rapidly forward again, at such a pace that the one year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis came and went and we barely acknowledged it (which is a good thing, I think. I mean, it's not exactly the kind of anniversary you celebrate, although I wouldn't have been opposed to having a cake. But that's just because I am fundamentally never opposed to having cake.). Life is busy. Life is hectic and a little messy (if you come to my house PLEASE don't examine my kitchen floors too closely). But mainly, most importantly, life is good.

Enlightened

Bottles Of Hope By Peter Sid from peter sid on Vimeo.

As most of you know, October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. You probably know this because you are attacked by pink ribbon items every time you walk into a store. Sometimes I crack up at the creativity of the manufacturers to capitalize on the popularity of breast cancer month to try and market their products. For instance, what the hell does a Port-a-Potty have to do with breast cancer?

But there are some really cool, creative, genuine charities out there with the sincere intent on helping breast cancer patients, and the video above is a great example. Bottles of Hope is a neat group that takes used chemo bottles and turns them into gifts for cancer patients, and I love the chandelier that the guy in the video made. I really find it amazing when someone takes an item that can have such a negative connotation and turn it into a beautiful piece of artwork. It is something I'd like to pursue with my photography, and I'm beginning to research ways to do so. Certainly I could come up with something more inspirational than the "Porta-Jane".

Alright With 35

Last year on my birthday, I set my camera up on the tripod and took a self portrait, and so I decided to make it a yearly tradition. So much has happened in the past year, it's hard for me to believe that it has only been a year since I took that photo with Riley. I keep referring to the past year as my "dog year", meaning that I feel like I have lived 7 years in the past one. There were terrible, awful moments in the past year, but there were also amazing, triumphant, inspirational moments. I learned so many things. I learned you never know what's around the corner. I learned how to wear a wig and which hats cover a bald head best. I learned to not leave Riley unattended near my makeup drawer. I learned that there was a life apart from cancer before it happened, and there will be a life apart from cancer now that it is gone. I learned there are no guarantees. There are women I met a year ago who are no longer here, and there are some still kicking it who according to their medical charts should not be. I learned how to really fight. I learned there is more love in this world than cynicism and hate. I learned to feel lucky simply because I'm here, and I'm a mother, and a daughter - because I'm a wife and a sister, and a good friend. I learned that instead of cursing because I'm only 35 and I've had cancer, to feel blessed to have been given these lessons at so young an age. I learned that there's alot of life out there, and I intend to live it all.

So I'm mildly panicked that I am now in my "mid-thirties", but that will pass. I look at that picture above of me, and I see someone I really like. She knows some stuff she didn't a year ago, but still has some learning to do. She makes mistakes and says "sorry" and keeps going. She loves and is loved. She needs to take better care of her skin and lay off the chocolate a bit, but she can still wear a mini skirt and high heels. She kinda' likes her hair short (and if she changes her mind she now knows how to rock a long wig). She's alright with 35.

Four

Things have been so busy here I haven't had a chance to post about #2 turning #4. We rented a giant bounce castle for the back yard, were blessed with beautiful weather, and much fun was had by all. And this boy turned 4. All my efforts to keep them from growing seem to be thwarted, as the years continue to pass. I find myself soaking up the moments in the morning when he crawls into bed and snuggles, when he says, "You are my most favorite Momma", when he tells me I look "bootiful". I tell myself, "He's already four!".

I also try to breathe through the moments when he tells me, "You are the worst Mommy in the world!", when he hits his little sister, when he flings himself on the ground after being told "no". I tell myself, "He's only four!".