So Ferb, What Should We Do Today?

Maybe we should throw a birthday party for a special 6 year old boy? Last Thursday Casey turned 6, and his requested party theme was "Phineas and Ferb", which is his favorite show. The only problem with that request is that the P&F party supplies have not been released yet, so I had to create my own (although a friend told me that she thought she saw some last week at Wal-Mart, so maybe I was just a week too early in shopping).  I found another use for the ubiquitous chalk board in the kitchen by drawing a banner, and it is still up because Casey will not let us erase it. Thankfully, the characters are easy to draw. If he ever requests a Monet themed party, I'm SOL. 

Perry! There you are boy! What, doesn't everyone request strawberry flavored cupcakes with miniature platypuses on top (is that right, or is it platyputi?) for their birthday?

The birthday boy got a new bike, so no more fighting between he & Connor over the old one. So really, it was a gift to me too!

His only other major request was a pinata, but the party store was out of the number 6. So we turned a 9 upside down, which is why it looks like it was tied to the tree by rednecks. In keeping with the Phineas & Ferb theme, the goody bags contained secret agent sunglasses in honor of Agent P (Perry's secret identity).

The glasses also made them look like rejects from a Blues Brothers convention, which only made them more adorable.

Phineas and Ferb like to invent and build things, so we had a few activities of that nature. We made our own ice cream in ziploc bags (word of advice: don't use the cheap generic bags for this project, or you might end up with salty ice cream. Small children do not enjoy salty ice cream). And we made diet soda bottle rockets. If you want to see how fast I can move, watch this:



So, all in all, much fun was had by all. I really love putting together parties for the kids, even though I bitch every year about how much work it takes. Casey declared this the "Best birthday EVER!", which is the best compliment a mom can get.

Spontaneous

Routine definitely rules around here. As a means of survival, I have always kept to some sort of schedule - lunch at 12, naps at 2, dinner by 6, bed by 8:30. During the summer, we certainly loosen up a bit, but I know if I get too far out of the routine, there will be consequences. As a result, I'm not nearly as spontaneous as I'd like to be. For all my talk of having some big adventures with the kids this summer, we've mostly played it safe. Rob was home this week helping me recover from surgery, and on Wednesday morning I opened my eyes to find him standing over me. "Want to go to the beach today?" he asked. Without hesitation, I said yes and we loaded up the kids and headed to Lake Michigan.

We had a late start, but were in the sand at our special spot by 2. The kids built a sand castle, and the boys swam in the lake like fish. Connor even figured out how to bodysurf on the little waves and ride them to shore. Riley, on the other hand, refused to get near the water and made one of several versions of this face when asked if she'd like to get in the lake:

I managed to read a few chapters in a chic-lit beach book, and we just relaxed while the kids played in the sand, ate grapes, and enjoyed the day. After a few hours of heat & sun, we packed back up. After a quick stop at the Round Barn tasting room so I could stock up on wine and dinner at Redamaks, we were back on the road to Carmel.

Later that night, after we put sunscreen scented kids to bed and were sitting on the couch, enjoying a glass of wine, I asked Rob if we were crazy for spending 5 hours in the car just to spend 3 hours on the beach. Because nobody got a nap, and every meal was an hour later than usual, and I don't think any of us consumed a single vegetable (unless you count french fries at lunch AND dinner a vegetable). "Of course not!" he instantly replied, and I had to agree. The kids will never remember the schedule, but they might just remember the day we threw it out the window and went to the beach.

P.S. As the photo above proves, I do not look like Pam Anderson after surgery. I just look like me. Which was the exact outcome I was hoping for. I'm recovering very well, and happy to have another step in this cancer journey in my rearview window.

Alderman Rehabilitation Program

Current stats: Three theft suspects apprehended in program. Suspects given meal of raisins, and then released due to good behavior into the wilds of Carmel courtesy of Dan Casey. Criminal activity in the rectangle of tranquility has subsided.

Guess What I'm Getting Tomorrow?

Hee, hee. Of course, mine will not be so... voluptuous, but they will be brand new and all mine. Tomorrow is "Ta-Ta Thursday", where the expanders that were placed in my first surgery will be removed and replaced with the permanent implants. I am very excited. I have been assured that compared to the first surgery this will be a cakewalk, and I will even be sent home tomorrow afternoon.

Hef, I'll be waiting for your call for that "Miss October" gig. Hee, hee...

I'm Mad as Hell and I'm Not Gonna' Take it Anymore!

Garden Party Crasher

This is what I call my "Rectangle of Tranquility":

It is my little garden, containing a few tomato plants, some pole beans, squash, zucchini, green peppers, and assorted herbs. It's not much, but it keeps me happy and busy weeding and watching. I really think gardening is as effective as therapy, with the added bonus of having something to eat for all your efforts. So you can imagine my frustration when I found that my rectangle of tranquility had been invaded:

Even with the chicken wire fence, a generous dose of red pepper flakes applied to the base of plants, and mint plants scattered throughout (which are supposed to deter rodents and rabbits) something still managed to get in and attack the first almost ripe grape tomato. And didn't even have the decency to finish it! I am researching no-kill traps and seriously considering my grandfather's method of pest control - catch them and them drive them out to the middle of nowhere and let them go. Either that our I'm buying an air rifle and going Bill Murray in "Caddyshack" on them ("License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote."). Casey thinks we should set up a video camera out there to catch the culprit, but he hasn't quite thought through who would man the camera and what exactly we would do once we caught said culprit on video. 


See, I have finally conquered my fear of water-bath canning, and I have big plans to put up as much of my garden's fruits as I can, so this thief is really stealing food from children. It should be ashamed of itself. I've made strawberry preserves and pickles, and am anxiously waiting for tomatoes to come in so I can make sauces and salsa.

So if anyone has any new suggestions on how to keep my garden party crasher out, I'm open. I'm not taking this lightly. I will not stand by and let my rectangle of tranquility be violated! 




P.S. Thanks for all the kind words about Ani. I think we're healing a little everyday, and hearing from others who have been through this helps so much. Thank you.

Our Sweet Girl

We said a very sad goodbye to our sweet girl on Tuesday morning. Ani was 13 years old, and as I explained to the kids, that is almost 100 in dog years, which is very old. I tried to explain to them that she worked so hard all those years to take care of us and love us that her little body just wore out, and she had to go on to a place where she could keep doing her job. I told them that we were so lucky to have her for as long as we did, and that we would always love her and keep her in a special place in our hearts. I told them all these things, and really, I was telling myself as well. Saying goodbye to her was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and my heart is so heavy with grief it hurts. I keep expecting to hear the clicking of her nails on the floors (which used to drive me crazy at 6 am!). I keep going to the back door to let her out, I keep looking for her in her special shady place in the yard. But she is gone, and we miss her terribly.

I had to answer so many hard questions from the kids. How was she getting to heaven? Was she going to be an angel? Why did Jesus come back after 3 days but she doesn't get to (from Casey, which left me gape-jawed and unable to speak for several minutes)? Rob & I have done our best to answer their questions in reassuring and calming ways, but inside we are both asking the same questions. Why couldn't she just live forever with us, resting her head on our laps and blessing us with her sweet grace? I don't know.

She was there for everything - everything. The night we got engaged. The morning we found out we were going to have a baby. Every birthday, every graduation, every Christmas. I can count on one hand the number of times she was aggressive in her whole 13 years, but by and large she was patient, and kind, and generous. She was love. 

                             

When one of his band members died last year, Dave Matthews said, "It is always easier to leave than be left," and we, all of us in our extended family and friends who loved Ani, are certainly feeling the truth in that this week. I know that in time we will heal, but I will always miss my sweet, sweet girl. 

Eleven

Wanna pack your bags, Something small
Take what you need and we disappear
Without a trace we'll be gone, gone
The moon and the stars can follow the car
and then when we get to the ocean
We gonna take a boat to the end of the world
All the way to the end of the world

Oh, and when the kids are old enough
We're gonna teach them to fly

You and me together, we could do anything, Baby
You and me together yes, yes

You & Me, Dave Matthews Band

Last Call

Finally, finally, finally I received my last chemo treatment today. My last cocktail hour at the Springmill Oncology Clinic, and I couldn't be happier. It is a bit of a mix of emotions right now, but mostly relief. I feel like an 800 pound gorilla is off my back. 

I have always told Rob that if I ever own a bar I will play "Closing Time" by Semisonic every night at last call, and my own personal "last call" today got me thinking about that song.

Closing time - time for you to go out, go out into the world.
Closing time - turn the lights up over every boy and every girl.
Closing time - one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer.
Closing time - you don't have to go home but you can't stay here.

I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - time for you to go back to the places you will be from.
Closing time - this room won't be open 'til your brothers or you sisters
come.
So gather up your jackets, and move it to the exits - I hope you have found
a
friend.
Closing time - every new beginning comes from some other beginning'send.

Yeah, I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - time for you to go back to the places you will be from...

I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
I know who I want to take me home.
Take me home...

Closing time - every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end... 

How appropriate. Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. I'm ready.

Me, Meself, and Me

"I do it meself!" I hear that phrase about 100 times a day. Riley has become Miss Independent, entering that precarious toddler stage of wanted to do everything on her own. It's a tough one, because you walk a fine line between letting her do things by herself so she can learn and trying to be patient and encouraging and losing your ever-loving mind because it is taking you 45 minutes to let her buckle her own car seat in the parking lot of Target. But just when you think you've reached the point of zero-tolerance, she'll thrust her little fist up at you and simply say, "Hand!" and want you to help her across the street. It just melts my heart.

And just as I suspected, the trend is catching on.

My counts were too low on Tuesday to get chemo, but I returned this morning and luckily was able to receive treatment, so everyone keep your fingers crossed that everything goes well and I receive my last round next week.

Great Expectations

I had great expectations for this summer. Done with chemo. Done with surgeries. No school, no schedules. Just time to have fun with the kids and try to enjoy our time together. Maybe get out of town and find some adventures beyond our house. And then I had a little setback last week when I went in for chemo. The neuropathy had spread to my toes, and that combined with some other side effects was enough for my oncologist to hold off on treatment indefinitely, until the symptoms were resolved. Which shouldn't have been a big deal, but it was. My surgery for the next stage of reconstruction was scheduled for July 9, and my surgeon requires at least a month break between chemo and surgery. I only had a week cushion built in to the schedule, so if I had to push chemo out 2 weeks, I'd lose my surgery date. So just like that, all my great expectations blew up in my face. And I had a small breakdown. All the pent up frustration over this whole situation came pouring out, and once I opened the floodgates I couldn't shut them down. You would think by now I would have learned not to make plans, or at least not to become emotionally attached to plans, but I did. My heart was set on that June 1 finish line for chemo, and that July 9 surgery date, and some days just looking at those dates circled in my calendar gave me the motivation to keep my head up.

So we came home and Rob did something completely ridiculous. He put a tv in our bathroom. The bathroom was wired for cable on the wall when we moved in, and Rob has always talked about mounting a small flat screen in there. He seemed to think that it was just what I needed - to soak in the tub after a long day, drink a glass of wine, and watch one of my trashy reality shows. I thought it was the most ludicrous idea in the world. Who needs a tv in the bathroom? But when credit card points needed to be used and he informed me the tv would be free, I couldn't argue anymore. So last tuesday when I felt the weight of so many important things pushing me down, I gave in to the ridiculous. And you know what? He was right. God love him. First off, we will never have a problem getting the kids in the bathtub, ever. And as for me? I soaked in the tub, he brought me a cold beer, and I escaped in someone else's reality for a little while, and it was awesome.

And after some research, Rob found some amino acids that other patients had good results in using to treat their neuropathy, and so I got some and was better enough this week to get treatment yesterday. And then I got home and found a message that my surgeon needed to move my surgery up a week, and there went my great expectations again. But it didn't make my world collapse like last week. I'm learning to have small expectations, to not set my heart so solidly on a date on a page, to trust that sometimes someone else's expectations (like putting a tv in the bathroom) are just as valid. And as for those big summer plans, if all else fails I'll just throw them all in the tub and we'll find some adventures in there. 

Trendsetter

Here our model is showing the latest trends for Spring 2010. Monkey pajamas add a sense of whimsy to the ensemble, while the snowboots provide the practical edge to this preschool haute couture.

I really think he's ahead of the curve here, and that by summer's end everyone will be wearing their PJs and snowboots to play outside.

Day at the Races

Things around here have been busy, busy, busy in the two weeks since Oaks, and I haven't really had a minute until now to post a little something about our experience. It was amazing. Rob & I were joined by several close friends, and everyone was so sweet to get into the day by getting dressed up in pink and hats. The weather was beautiful (unlike the very wet Derby that followed the day after) and perfect for sipping the signature drink of the day, the Lilly.



Poor Rob. I sent him on a quest to bring me back a Lilly in the official stemless glass, and it took him over an hour to hunt one down at the only stand at the track serving them. He's a good man.



The survivor parade was both heartbreaking and exhilarating. I met several other young survivors - one who was diagnosed while she was pregnant and went through chemo while pregnant, one who found her tumor while doing a self-exam because her best friend had been diagnosed three months earlier (who was also in the parade), one who has 2 yr old twins and a 1 yr old at home while she's going through the same chemo treatment as I am. It was comforting to be surrounded by women with a shared experience, and yet so terribly disappointing to be faced with the realization again of how many of us are out there. But then we began the walk, and it was so much more emotional than I had anticipated. Everyone in the stands cheered for us, and being in front of that many people smiling and applauding and yelling words of support, it was overwhelming. We walked from the backside to the finish line, and stood at the edge of the track to watch the Oaks race, which was amazing. I felt like royalty for a minute, and for a minute forgot the reason that I was there and simply enjoyed the race.



Thank you so much for everyone who went online and voted for me. It was an experience I will never forget. Now we are back to reality and wrapping up the school year for the kids with songfests and field days, and getting closer every day to completing chemo (only 3 treatments left!). I'm excited to be done, and to get on with life, and looking forward to spending the summer with my kids, just being.

Random Dynamics

Just had to share a little more love between Casey & his baby sister. Sitting back and watching the dynamics play out between the three kids is fascinating. Actually having to break up the "dynamics" around here, well, that's more frustrating than fascinating. But I still look at them and feel blessed that they are here, and that they belong to me. Even when one of them pulls down his pants and pees in the corner of the family room. A story for another time perhaps...

I received a reduced dose of Taxol this week due to a little numbness in my fingers. The hope is we caught it early enough to prevent permanent damage. Lord knows I don't need any assistance in being clumsy and dropping things, thank you very much. Other than that things are progressing very well, and I'm still on track to finish up June 1 (yay!).

I am so excited about the Oaks this friday I can hardly stand it. I think that some of the survivor's parade is supposed to be broadcast on Bravo on friday from 5-6, but I don't know how much. Watch for Rob & I - we'll be the ones sporting matching pink-dyed bald heads. Kidding. Maybe.

Still Breathing

I got an email from one of my girlfriends this afternoon that said, "You haven't posted anything to your blog in a couple of weeks and it always makes me LOL, sometimes ROFL. Entertain me young lady! But secretly i looked today and the last date you posted something was like the 3rd and i hoped you are feeling ok." And two things stuck out about this message. One - I have no idea what "ROFL" means (seriously, I know it acknowledges that I am 100 years old, but can someone please explain this one to me? Because I don't think it means what I think it means) UPDATE - I googled it, and for those of you living in the dark ages with me it means "rolling on the floor laughing". I was right, it didn't mean what I thought it meant. Two - that maybe some of my friends out there don't call because they don't want to bother me in case I'm sick, but they are checking here to make sure I'm doing OK. If anyone falls into that category, I'm sorry. I sometimes feel that if I don't anything interesting or new to write about then I just shouldn't, but given the circumstances perhaps I should at least update and let folks know I'm still breathing. I'm still breathing. I have received 5 rounds of Taxol chemo, and so far things have gone as well as I could have ever hoped. Taxol is a much kinder drug than the A/C, and although they give me enough Benedryl to sedate a horse with each round, I have escaped any major side effects. I have experienced some "chemo brain", like forgetting where I put things (although, thankfully not the children - I always remember where I put the children!) and forgetting to post to my blog to let people know I'm still breathing. I'm still breathing. Wait - did I write that already? See, this is what I'm dealing with.

Aside from the chemo brain, the other thing keeping me from posting has been that fact that I have been plain old busy. First, there was Spring Break week where I was home by myself with the kids. I don't think that needs any further explanation. Second, my parents were in town last week to help and to attend the Race for the Cure, and my sister & I had secretly plotted to surprise them with her & my two nephews coming in for the weekend. Trying to throw them off the scent for a whole week was surprisingly more work than I had thought. We were successful though, and we had a great weekend.

The walk was awesome. Over 41,000 people participated in the walk Saturday morning. They had a "Survivor Village", and we were treated very well there. They had Starbucks coffee & breads, some goodies for us, and a photo booth to take pictures with your co-survivors. I wished that the weather had been warmer (it was VERY chilly!) but at least the sun was shining bright and the skies were clear. And look, here I am with Indianapolis Colts Center Jeff Saturday!


Jeff, along with fellow offensive linemen Ryan Diem and Kyle DeVan, signed autographs in the survivor's tent before the race. Pretty cool. And after the Peyton incident last summer, that means I am only 7 players away from meeting the starting offense for the Colts. Reggie Wayne, you've been warned.


I wish I had handed the camera off to someone to snap a photo of my whole family there, but I did remember to have a photo taken with the 5 of us. And I don't think there was a little girl there in a cuter pink outfit than Riley.


If only she had stopped moving long enough for me to get a decent photo. All the kids had on t-shirts that said "I wear pink for my Mommy", and they were very sweet in them. It really was a great day.

So, that's what has kept me from updating the blog. I'll try to do a little better. Unless I forget, which is entirely possible. Did I mention I'm still breathing?

This Bow Was Made for Walking

Before I get into the real subject of this post, let me first describe the horrible thing that happened this morning. The power went out! For almost 2 hours! BEFORE I MADE A CUP OF COFFEE!!!! For a minute I played it cool, thinking, "No biggie. I'll load the kids up and hit the Starbucks drive-through", but then I realized WHEN THE ELECTRICITY IS OUT I CAN'T GET THE VAN OUT OF THE GARAGE! Oh, the humanity! I was moments away from bribing my neighbor whose van was in his driveway to take us somewhere, anywhere, that had hot coffee. Thankfully, the power came back on before I could offer to give him one of our children in exchange for a ride to McDonalds.



Now, back to the post. A few weeks ago I took to the internet in search of a monogrammed hair bow for Riley (why I decided she MUST have one I don't know, but anywhoo). The problem with most of them I found was that they were too big and heavy for her fine hair. But then I found Sweet & Sassy Gifts on etsy, and problem solved. Sweet & Sassy offers smaller bows mounted on alligator clips, which are the perfect size for Riley. I was so impressed with the quality of the bow and monogram, and then I got to thinking how much I'd like to have a breast cancer pink ribbon bow for Riley to wear at the Race for the Cure walk. I contacted Sweet & Sassy, and the ladies were so sweet to create this ribbon & send it to me.



How cute is that? It's exactly what I wanted, and it looks adorable on her.



They have so many cute things in their shop, and if you're heading to Disney with your little girl you should check out this bow - it's too sweet. Now I just have to work on getting her to keep a bow in her hair for more than 10 minutes, and I'll be in business.

Spring Clicking

On days when I'm not feeling so hot from the chemo, I like to click around on web and do a little virtual retail therapy. Fortunately, I generally utilize quite a bit of "virtual will power" by not purchasing anything, but for some reason just looking around at all the cool things out there makes me feel a little better. And I don't have to take off my PJs or put on my wig to go look at them. Here's a few things that I've been doing some spring clicking on lately:



1. This camera bag that doesn't look like a camera bag from epiphanie bags. It is big enough to hold my camera body, lenses, flash, and assorted gear, but it doesn't scream "I carrying all my expensive camera gear in here!". Plus, the aqua color goes perfectly with the branding colors for my photography business.

2. Um, these are CROCS. And they're cute, and probably very comfy, and probably wouldn't make my feet look like giant life rafts, like the traditional Crocs do.

3. Ah, Anthopologie, how you taunt me. Such cute things, such ridiculous prices. Actually, the price for this necklace is pretty reasonable, but the problem is I can't decide between the turquoise and coral versions, and buying two kinda' blows the whole "reasonable" angle.

4. Thank you for all the votes you have submitted for the Oaks Survivor's Parade. My numbers look really good and there's a pretty good chance I'll get to go! Of course, if you're going to the Oaks you have to have a fabulous hat. I love the ones made by Del Mar Hats, but the price tags have me thinking I'll just make the loaner from my mom work.

5. There is no shortage of Star Wars toys and collectables in our house, and yet I'm having trouble fighting the urge to add to the collection by making each of these little guys from the patterns sold by Lucy Ravenscar on etsy.

So there you have it, a glimpse into how I amuse myself while trying to not think about puking. And as long as I keep from clicking the "purchase" button, I figure there's no harm in a little continued spring clicking.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Here's hoping you all are feeling lucky on this beautiful St. Patrick's Day. Casey drew this picture, and my favorite part is how he added a jaunty little bowler hat to the C in his name. My first round of Taxol went as well as it could have yesterday, and although we wont be partaking in any green beers here I might just feel up to sipping a little Guinness later on.

Canvas the Area

Many of my photography clients ordered gallery wrapped canvases for Christmas this past year, and I was always so jealous when they arrived. They were so pretty, and I really wanted one for myself of our kids. But I didn't think I had a photo of them that was "worthy" of a canvas. I finally had a little session with them last month, and at first I didn't think I got anything good. Then, the more I looked at this photo, the more I realized that all the things about it that weren't perfect were what made me love it all the more. The kids' hair is messy and all over the place. Connor is in the middle of trying to tickle Casey. Riley is barely smiling, and her shirt is slightly pulled up and everyone's collars are askew. But it is so them. I decided that capturing who they really are right now was better than a "perfect" shot, so I bit the bullet and ordered a 16x20 canvas. It arrived this week, and when I opened it I got tears in my eyes. It makes me so happy every time I look at it, so I feel like I made the right choice. Now we just have to decide where to hang it!

A few random notes:
- Our little video of cutting my hair has received over 9,000 views on YouTube! It has been viewed in Japan and Europe, and I've had so many people around here tell me how much they enjoyed watching it. Thank you for all the support and encouragement - it makes me feel like we're doing something right!
- My girlfriends have nominated me to be in the survivors parade for the Kentucky Oaks. For those who don't know, the Oaks is the race run by fillies the day before the KY Derby. Last year the Oaks began an association with breast cancer charities, and the day is considered a "Pink Out", where they ask all race attendants to wear pink in support of raising funds and awareness about the cause of breast cancer. Online voting has begun to select 136 breast cancer survivors to attend the race and participate in a survivors parade around the track. It is a real honor, and one that I would feel very blessed to receive. Please consider casting a vote for me at http://www.kentuckyderby.com/oaks/nominees. You have to register on the website to cast a vote, and then scroll through the nominees to find me - the girls selected the photo of me with my "punk mommy" look to accompany the nomination.
- I start Taxol on tuesday, so I am inching closer and closer to being done with chemo. Yay!

Four on the Floor

Just popping in to gleefully announce that Tuesday marked my 4th and final round of A/C chemo! For the most part, the rounds were tolerable, thanks to some good drugs and lots of help from family and friends. For some reason though, this last round has been a little rougher - I felt sick before I even got out of the chair Tuesday. It's almost as if the chemo was saying, "Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out!" Anyway, I have a two week break and then I begin 12 weekly rounds of the next drug, Taxol. Even though that's 3 more months of chemo, I feel like I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. And I feel like Spring might be just around the corner, and there's always hope implied with the arrival of warmer weather and more sunshine.

I didn't really have a photo that went with this post, but I did a little session with the kids a few weeks ago and thought I'd share this one of the boys. Once again, Riley was less than enthusiastic about being photographed, but I loved this one of the brothers.